Itsnotareal Town

Itsnotareal Town
was once a thriving centre
with market-bustle busy-ness
and off-season in the Winter.
A quaint and happy tourist trap.
A pleasant place to live.
But the puppet masters scrapped all that
and another role did give.
Through cuts and trims to grants and funds
and the odd outright veto.
Less transport links and fewer jobs-
it's not a place to go.
The residents all grind along
but no one seems to leave.
This is because it's an experiment
from which there's no reprieve.
The shop staff, cleaners, business suits,
The dossers on the street,
they're to-a-man nuts, they're fruity loops,
they march to a different beat.
Each living their own delusion,
some reprogrammed to believe
that where they are isn't prison,
that they're free to up and leave.
Oblivious that each drama
is an engineered attack,
so They can adjust the drugs in the water
until they no longer fight back.
And scattered among are the "care staff"
to keep a gazeful watch
and make sure that they stay on Their path
and don't just wander off.
Suspecting the truth is still better for Them;
justifying its purpose-
to round up the crazies, the para and then
to quell their rebellious murmurs.

Mango Kisses

Four words to describe what you are to me
Are: butterflies; sufficient; strong and synchronicity.
Knowing and accepting. As solid as the sea.
Scary-scared as much as I am. Ultimately free.
Knowing me and finding you makes sense in all the right ways.
But this much darkness multiplied may only leave us both crazed.
It's risky to adore you, does this way lie more pain?
but just being in your presence throws my caution to the rain.
Calming and unnerving, your subdermal inhalations
see more than I would ever show in normal situations.
I know this dreary outlook is not born but miscreated.
How did you end up like me? What miseries were fated?
I want to be myself with you, the one I always was.
You give be back my dignity, you give me back my buzz.
Knowing it's requited is a new challenge to face.
It's usually a mystery. It's usually a race.
Am I prepared for this connection?
This can't be yet more misdirection
But is madness apace?
Apace? Afoot! I've lost my words!
No more emanuensis,
but me again. I've found myself,
a clumsy, care-full priestess.
I love the smell of morning-you,
of you in cogitation.
I love the way you hold your face, your love of information.
I want to know your everything,
I want to let you know me.
But will this knowledge burn us both?
Or will it set us both free?

Diary Entry - 25th November 2007

Found a flower 29th October. A red carnation, on Claudio's way back from a baptism in Milan. Today, the 25th of November- it is still as fresh as the day we found it. At first we thought it was quite sinister. But, then Claudio realised it was so well preaerved for the simple and totally logical reason that it was frozen.
That kitchen is so cold it is a joke.
Domestic economy through the very nature of poverty- the very opposite of tragedy!

Paris 2

I relearned what it is like to be thirteen years old
And carefully ignored my heart-shaped gaping bleeding hole.
I'm free to roam the world, I'm free to up and run away.
But now there is no "to" and so I go wheree're I may.
A drifting soul, a poltergeist, a harpy, a banshee.
All terminal romantics. All terminally me.
My time of self-exile has passed
I came to mend my fractured heart.
Above its shards I stand aghast.
Detached, dejectedly.

Reformed Character

I think on lessons from regrets,
But pride and anger interject.
It's still too soon to take it back.
Despite maturity's honesty and hindsight's facts.
Knowledge is different from acceptance
and I'm blinded by my past intentions.
Malicious memories burst unbidden
To mind's forefront in crystal vision.
I squirm and squawk to off-key song
And guiltily know it. I was wrong.
How to put these things to bed,
Without time machine and kind things said.
And to seek those out to fix myself
Through closure is ego without stealth.
Moreover, they've all far moved on.
The hurt I caused is long, long gone.
Instead I carry their wounds within
And now seek virtue in place of sin.
I've imposed laws on supporating sores
From wallowing in filth with no just cause.
I've fenced my mind and gated my heart
And principled actions were a good place to start.
But self repair is reverse engineering
And I've left-handed hammers to fix the whole thing.
And I left the instrutions on a bus somewhere.
And I'm starting from a state of piss poor repair.
Challenge I like and challenged I am.
That's the best I can say.
But there's no deadlines or measures.
I just give a damn.
And I'm taking it day by day.

Lena; Jezebel; Amanda; Mail

The mass debates that circulate
On beauty, form and fuzz
Revolve, it seems, on lost esteem
And a bitchy, mean-girl buzz.
Too thin, too fat, too white, too black,
Too natural, too damn plastic.
Comments typed by trolls and beasts
Are cutting and sarcastic.
Don't know 'bout you, but I'm all appalled out.
The drama's made me weary.
There are too many things to scream about
And too few that make me cheery.
A body's a body's a body's a body.
Don't dictate forms and means.
A choice is a choice is a choice is a choice.
Mind your own behind the scenes.
Each of us have our own tastes.
It makes the world amazing.
And beauty is subjective
So stop the rants. Go raving.
Open your eyes, your mind and your heart
Let some fresh delight in.
You'll never know what you could be
Without the shameful spiting.
You get back what you give times three.
That much I know is true.
So give out love. It multiplies
And comes right on back to you.

Dreamtime

I dreamed I swam down Tynwald Street
Upon a cloud of milk.
I smiled and waved to passers-by,
to mongers of all ilk.
I front-crawled over tiny men
who ran away in fear
and rained liquorice blackcurrants
on the Pearl Girl by Vermeer.
Tethered dogs all tipped their hats
and offered me their pipes.
I laughed to see the bird ballet
in Nora Batty tights.
I stopped outside the milliner
to joke with a singing saw
but treading milk makes butter
and I fell onto the floor.
My greasy coating sparked a thought,
I jumped into the sea
and butterflew myself away
to Elysium's blossomed lea.

Three Times A Lady

Here she comes, ringing the constants.
Holding the world in her manically proprietous glare,
anticipating offence,
with perpetually raised eyebrows.
She purses her lips.
Once. Twice. Thrice.
Her world view skewed by rules and numbers.
Attempt to alter a single thing
and she will slay you.
Her disappointment is her most powerful weapon.
"Who are you?"
"Who are you?"
"Who are you?"
Treat her with deference
"Thank you, Miss"
Fulfill your obligations. Timely. Polite.
She rewards you by relaxing
and connecting as much as she can.
"Are they all here?"
Count them 3 times.
"Are they all here?"
Count them 3 times.
"Are they all here?"
Count them 3 times.

Watch her shuffle away,
into the chaotic and treacherous world.
"Thank you, goodbye."
"Thank you, goodbye."
"Thank you, goodbye."

Lamb Appassionata

I had another of those conversations.
The ones that start with,
"Can I just have a word?"
and end with both parties disconsolate,
discombobulated,
sad and suspicious.
To have grown in such a way;
My gnarled roots, buds snipped before blooming;
have left me with bonsai faith.
A scale model of expectations.
1: disapppointment.
I am advised to choose the path of self respect.
To embrace short term discomfort,
to drink from the goblet of a life regained.
And to do all of this before my sweetness fades.
"It's not a question of can't or won't,
but of who is willing to makes the necessary sacrifices to achieve"
Sacrifices?
My body is long gone.
I am reclaiming my mind.
Dignity and joy are not far behind.
My advisor, martyred on the road of good intentions.
Now tells me it was all long suffering mistakes.
A warning, with urgency imparted.
I will not be your lamb.

"It is better to die standing than live forever on your knees"

The Poison Toad

The poison toad squats
as a mucilaginous spite-pat
over his ever-diminishing domain.
Occasionally he lumbers in
oozing bullious wheedles
claiming favours he is not owed.
Then releases false missives
to damage the truthful.

The drought is coming, toad-man.

The drought is coming.

The Great Flood

This place is awash
and for once it's not metaphorical.
Unsympathetic observers  remark that
it's hardly a world class disaster
whilst panicked mongers barricade doors
and recreate Cnut.
It is most certainly not safe to go into the water.
The spectacle draws folk from afar,
more so than official events.
Is this just street drama
in the theatre of the absurd?

Rum Goings On

Once upon a rum soaked night
The boy with scars external
Met the girl with scars internal.
Her asbestos heart was set alight.
The scars began to fade.

They shared a quiet privacy
Public personas shed like skins
Intimate darkness lets light begin
A moment stolen in the dawn
Her tarnished soul was saved.

The first in years to know her past.
Midnight black and blue regrets
With all the memories he forgets
The die of loss is long since cast.
With sorrow this road's paved.

Once upon some rum soaked laughter
The girl with scars internal
loved the boy with scars external.
They shared a happy ever after
Brief but pure and sweetly grave.

Malcontented Walrus Man

Somehow he oozes free
from a car designed for a being
a fraction of his mass.
Ego-swollen, he appears to have made
an inescapable life jacket of his self importance.
His tiny, malice-filled head and disproportionately scrawny neck
are the knot on his body's balloon.
He patronises women
while imagining them naked.
Leering at their turned backs.
Sycophantic to their faces.
Bullying and deceitful
he counts tears and anguish as conquests.
I wonder, will he ever taste his own medicine?
Chaos and finger-pointing, gossip and harrasssment.
He does not deserve compassion.

Tuba Weasel

It is a testament to psychiatry
and a chip on her lumpy shoulders
that she is still alive.
Once so sensible by profession
now a narcissistic hysteric.
Her potato face over-condimented
with all-too-ready tears.
I dread to hear her wheedle,
to see her drunken-spider hand.
I understand her banishment.
I wonder if she'll feel relief
the day she finally gets her way.
Or if she'll feel only regret
at having worked so hard at something
inevitable.

18th Century Man

He is jarring against
the concrete, high street, 60% viscose, quick fix, app twisted backdrop.
He swims into focus-
rough hands, soft eyes, timeless face.
Canvas trousers and half tucked shirt.
Kindly, undistracted, universally caring.
His portal is behind an unremarkable, once well painted, brown gate.
I wonder if he notices when he emerges into this era?
He doesn't seem to.
I wonder is it a portal of the body or the mind?
His bicycle and mother are well tended.
His auburn thatch is not.
Without a single note of irony,
he whistles.

I wonder.
Is it a portal of the body or the mind?

Call To Arms

Every day I read the news with growing trepidation.

It’s regression on a massive scale. The end of civilisation.

We’re not punishing those that caused this mess with lies, with greed, with ego.

But blaming folk who’ve nothing done and warring with nations we don’t know.

What year is this? Who’s in control? Where is Lady Justice?

She’s bound and gagged in a divan bed. Ransomed for the fame of her captress.

Of equal weight (or so we’re told) to celebrities, diets and twerking.

The blood on her sword is only her own so clearly, this system’s not working.

The children that need us the most,

Tragically fall through the ‘net

And children are taken when good parents seek help and hysterical healthcare objects.

Open your eyes and ignore the damned press! They have profits to make, don’t you see?

Horrors that happen go unreported and affect us – that’s you - and it’s me.

I do not believe it is really so hard to lay aside neighbourly spite

And just keep an eye out, get involved and speak up if something just doesn’t seem right.

Notice the pensioned! They are people too and their stories are going untold.

As we focus on disposable incomes of youth and deny our own growing old.

I don’t have the answers. I’m not the Messiah (or even a naughty boy),

I am just one person, sick of the nonsense and sick of acting coy.

I’m not asking for money, or a signed petition, or change in far flung lands.

I’m saying your community needs you before it ends up in God-knows-whose hands.

Get involved. Take an interest. Speak up! Go out!

Disenfranchisement is dead.

Earnestness is the future!

And without it?

Total extinction instead.

Recipe for Disaster

A handful of sugar.
A penny of salt.
A pinch for your thoughts,
your light and your faults.
A tight squeeze. A light squeeze.
Freshly squeezed orange
and you.
We squeezed into my single bed:
room enough for two.
But only room for one
in my heart and in my head.

Freshers Love

You tongue your way to my pleasure.

Fist claws cotton.

Breath escapes.

The film plays on -

Unwatched.

Sunlight plays on your spine.

Life continues below.

Our world is now.

If only I could remember your name.

Clown.

Just one more clown in his circus you are.
Such a public mockery.
You are a tool in his all-consuming self-love.
Unwilling to face the one way, blackhole nature of it all.
You stand in painted smile.
The audience watch clutching breath
for him to pull out the chair.
The ringmaster owns your eyes and time.
Are you so blinded by footlights
that you can truly call this
astounding self-degradation
love?

Just one more clown in his circus you are.
Watch the pretty girls lead the horses away.
The spectacle is leaving town.

Lazy Dreveries

I blow chains of momentary beauty
But they cannot capture the moments with you.
Watching the world hurry past
I saunter through thoughts idle and unworried.
I know that you will still be as imperfect
as the day you lent me your coat in the rain.
The old dog smell of wet leather
still warm from your body.
In death our flaws are in perfect perspective.
Who cares that you were always late?
now that you are.
 

06/04/04

As a teardrop I fall for you.
Melancholic. Mesmerised.
So far, so fast, so frail I fall.
Shattered before I crushed.
A stolen heartless kiss -
That thoughtless thief of trust.

Pools of blue that overflow.
Tissue peppered cheeks.
The condiments of grief.
I smile through gritted teeth.
And love love as my foe.

Hiding

Long sleeves. Long legs.
These lines are too telling.
I wish I could explain
how this pain helps that pain.
But language is limited.

20/03/2010 Dear Gio (but not for Gio)

Surrounded by vices as strange as sliced toast
Interacting with many half-living, half-ghost.
Some glowing brightly, some dulled by life's blade,
but everyone wants something from you, I'm afraid.
Some want your body, some want your mind
Some of them only want you to be kind.
The best are the ones who want you to be you
and the ones who just want you to smile.
The ones who will paint you with custard and glue
To away a fun little while.
Who'll help you survive, help you to say no,
teach you things about Glasgow you never would know.
Ride bikes with you, share with you, get you a job.
To share a good joke with, to share with a sob.
To drive one way round Nottingham, eight or nine times (!)
and hypnotise randoms with powers of rhyme.
A gallery cafe, a man in a dress
and all of the time at Paisley Road West.
The long walk home never seemed so long
when walking at five forty-five
And shiny posh bars never seemed so wrong.
You'd rather be seen in a dive.
And if you find these friends my boy, hold them tight.
They're rarer then wormholes, more precious than light
and all of the time that together you'd have
would be sacred, remembered, occasionally mad
but thoroughly lived - and that's the whole point.
In life's murky waters, I urge you: anoint!
Your life may transport you to a Dear Green Place
of culture, catastrophe, darkness and grace
and then, maybe then, you will make friends like these,
my long lost and ever-beloved Weegies.

Per Luciana Zapparoli - L'Anniversario D'Oro.

This

I drew this for my mother-in-law on the occasion of my in-laws' 50th wedding anniversary.

It is an image of her on her wedding day.

The "50 anni" on the top right is a dream, not even imagined to her on her wedding day.

All the things listed on the top left are the things that came to pass in their life together - the things she could have forseen: Children, love, problems, work, happiness, hard times, tears, grandchildren, friends, dreams.

The road she is walking is moving her from the past to the future.

The roots under her feet are the roots of their strong relationship, the things that have made their relationship work: Love; Family; Strength; Experience; Luck; Hope; Patience; Determination; Sacrifice; Humour; Morality; the Church; Propriety; Life Education; Faith (and faithfulness - the word is the same in Italian)

I know my sketching skills leave a lot to be desired, but hey. The idea was there, just not the technical ability. Perhaps with practice this is something I can work on.

14/10/13

I feel I am just waking up
from 10 years in Van Winkle dust.
Head is clearing, footsteps lighter.
Horizons wide and vision brighter.
Emotional ballast I've unburdened.
Old grievances I feel I've pardoned.
Not that I'll forget, of course,
But from that me I'm now divorced.

Is this me now growing up?
Or just a midlife crisis?
It's not too young, my half-full cup,
I'll probably die of bronchitis!
Those days we can't choose but to see,
when antibiotics don't work
because no company wants to fund
research with no glamorous perk.

I know what I want and how to get it.
All I need now is time.
And a canyon of work, of which I'm not afeared.
My life will be Reason from Rhyme.

Christmas 2002

Once there were three:
The magic number-
3 witches; 3 wishes; 3 wise men.
Maiden runs away; goes to see a crone.
The witch of the East
My, my - how she's grown.
They smile and compare notes
but will scars tell the whole story?

Then there were four.
Ugly; clunky; boxed.
4 sides. 4 corners. 4 angles.
Parallels everywhere.

There are no witches in mathematics.
Only mother's apples pi.

The Mermaid and The Sloth

Come and meet some friends of mine,
we'll go to where they stay
with toasting glasses held aloft
and witty repartee.
I'm sure we'll have a lovely time -
they're very welcoming.
They are the Mermaid and the Sloth
to them ourselves we'll bring.
Please don't mind their way with words.
Their oft-referenced archaic verse
is harmless at the very worst.
With intelligence they're cursed.
The Mermaid and the Sloth.

Mary Poppins

Idyllic, but my brain won't SHUT UP!

He Says, She Says

He says I'm not the me I was,
That I have changed irreparably.
He says we argue all the time.
Ironically, I disagree.
He says he looks at others now
And admits it's hungrily.
He says that there is nothing wrong,
then dredges fights long-dead to me.
He says he wants his favourite food;
My single staple kedgeree.

I says he spends no time with me.
I've substituted him because
we spend our evenings silently.
He is not moved by beat or rhyme
or language - aural gold to me.
I know I've changed, but badly? How?
It's all improvements I can see.
Does someone always end up wrong?
Or is it plainly sad to see
That Jude is our saint-patronly.

Dispensary Blues

I am sick of helping the sick
And getting nothing in return.
No sick pay, no thanks.
Just above minimum wage I earn.
I am sick of hearing how things will improve
As another friend's hours get cut or removed.
I am sick of the blame and the lawsuits I risk
Because of mis-prescribed medicines that do not exist.
The lack of support and unbearable pressure
When every day things just get worse and not better.
Vocations unvalued and talents deterred
instead of encouraged. Profits preferred.
Insomnia's nightmares curse all those that care.
Long term dispensers in this firm are rare.

Speaker Celebrity

Three years of ridding myself of my rage
left me bellaputrescent and old for my age.
I appear to you now as a mere wizened spectre;
A wrinkled and cynical regret collector.
My most squalid and heartbroken version of self.
Insurmountable walls built on negative wealth.
Don't judge me on all of my confident bluster.
The truth is so human, severely lacklustre.
The best metaphor is that I am a pearl;
A wist-wasteful woman in guise of a girl.
Layers of glamour, a heart made of sh**;
My place in this world an uncomfortable fit.
Now hollow of eye, of cheek and of heart
I fantasise daily of ways to depart
and romanticise leaving no remnant behind;
Of wiping all memories of me from all minds.
Don't get me wrong, it's not my own demise
that's driving me now - I'm no suicide.
I want retrospectively not to exist.
I would never have chosen a life such as this,
knowing now what I know. If I knew then
that my life would be guided by follies of men
so selfish and cold they can't even admit
when they've lied. Would I want it? Not in a fit!
They tell me that if I pretend long enough
-at happiness, love and all of that stuff-
that one day I'll wake up and I'll feel content
walking this finite and f***** firmament.
They tell me that life isn't really so bad,
that I am environmentally sad,
that all will improve, given hope, given time.
"It's just circumstantial. Try going outside."
So I straighten my face and strengthen my defense
And once more construct my perfected pretence -
That I'm choosing to live, I've the world on a plate.
That I'm not just a selfish and boring ingrate.
And who knows what will be in the days still to come?
Not me, if I freak, chicken out and just run.
Now I bid you good day, tip my hat, flash a smile
and invite you to wander this path for a while
and keep walking until we emerge in the sun.
For my life in the shadows is near enough done.

Surely?

17/02/08 The Unit

Hang ups fall of in The Basement.
Woven webs hang fallen girls.
Pricey silence and finite liberty.
Safety in networking.
Too tangled to drop
Politics. No peace.
Never released.
To fall is freedom. To land, death.
Drop - Stumble - Trip - Tumble
Care full of the key
Whole
A turned ankle. A twisted cheek
Bruised blush and a greying glow.
Disco damaged discs.
Ribs and wrists resist.
Curiosity provokes.
Cowardice persists.
Is there anything behind those eyes anymore?

Life as a Legal Drug Dealer

Daily I hunch as a pensive Paolo
Upon the stool of derailed dreams.
Bathing in burning garlic fumes
and the stench of chip fat
long since past its best.
Squinting at the scores on miracle cures
purporting to prolong a painful life.
Apothecary's emanuensis.
Tightrope ballerina between
The Junky
and
The Medicated.
I paddle in their suffering,
bailing out water where I can.
These dosette boats only float for so long.
When they finally drown
I step out.
And carefully dry the skin between my toes.

Roundhouse, London, 12/07/2013

I steamed and spun one London night,
As trains did long ago.
Euphoria; experimental;
Honesty and woe.
My facial vines of eyeliner
mystified the wasted
and a one-off song from Palmer's tongue
set straight the rag-most-hated.
Unexpected overwhelm
and floodgates rattled open.
Lost and then the Bed Song
un-numbed my heart so broken.
The gift she gave - an awesome show.
An unguarded performance.
The gift I took - the strength to glow
and keep on moving forwards.

Lorrainespotting

Choose existence. Choose to talk to your firiends. Choose to get the fuck on with it, even if it means you'll have bad dreams. Choose to give affection to those who deserve it. Choose to tell the others to fuck off. Choose to ignore paranoia. Choose to dance. Choose laughter and 6AM eternal.Choose reality. Choose yourself. Choose to remember the choices you have made. Choose not to regret. Choose hope over nostalgia. Choose everything. Choose to be fabulous.

Choose Lorraine.

Return from Sonar

The signs above my head read thusly:
It is 18 degrees C.
It is 4:42 AM
It is prohibited to smoke.
I must wear a seat-belt.
To my right, Americans who are in a pissed off mood with each other.
To my left, the speedy retreat of the Spanish countryside and the lights of Barcelona.
It is now 17 degrees C.
It is now 4:44 AM.
I still can't smoke.
I've taking my seat-belt off.
I am listening to E talking and contemplating my joyful life.
My arse is getting numb.
Bloody rock hard coach seats.
And me with no padding.
My mouth is as dry as a badger and twice as furry.
It is 17 degrees C.
It is 4:47 AM
I really want a fag now.
Fiddling with seat-belt instead.

Five - Six - Thirteen

After a glorious production the sun
bows graciously behind the trees on my right
to rapturous vesperturnal applause.
To my left the bats fight their nightly battle
against the ravenous grasp of mortality.
Pheasants overrule the avian debate
ahead of me in the comfort of sakura silhouettes.
I see the detritus of a summer holiday
strewn on uncut grass. Cars. Watering cans.
The bag of wet swimming things I meant to unpack.
Tea steams in the cool air.
Behind me the warmth of love coaxes, calls, caresses my name.

I close the door to outer beauty
and open my heart.

He

He is a misanthropic Dr Seuss character
Fantastic and forlorn.
In his tower, viewing Camelot.
A spaceful time; timeless but for
A dinosaur. And memorabilia of a time
More fabulous than now.
Self evident truths. Pained. Personally haunted.
Exquisite facade. Visually gifted.
Betrayed by sight.
Stand alone at arms length.
Internationally adored.

Never change.

Affirmation

Even in the midst of night
the distant wail of T-Rex's cousins
reach me.
And even when I am not right
and fall and fail I let the lessons
teach me.
And in the hours I feel alone
I remind myself of the myriad network
around me.
And all the things as yet unknown;
Concerns of health and joy that lurk
astound me.                            [impound me]                           (glass is half...)

I refuse to forget who I am.
I refuse to forget who I am.
I refuse to forget.

work in progress...

just beyond the precipice in the corner of the sky exists a land as hard to see as huckleberry pie. The creatures there are bound by light but sageleaf liberates their forms to rise from leaden shells to fly a single night. For all they crave is this brief burst; a particle of free. But in doing so they can't go back and very quickly freeze. The atmosphere (to hold them back) is a boiling mass of cloud. The violet fetid soupy air muffles every sound. Sageleaf grows so woefully, unnurtured by the Glaikens. These lumpen gaolers trog the earth. They've no kindness to awaken.
Within this world the fungii thrive but hold a place most sacred. There are fungii wars and fungii homes and Commune-Cities gated.
We meet our hero, Roodrellac and join him in ablutions. For now he scrubs and dons his clothes for he has work to go to. But if he knew his soon to bes he'd be sure to pack a knife, too...

A Good Talking To

Heed the prophet as she comes;
bitten nails, mascara runs.
What once entranced now nauseates.
Love once inspired, now apathates.
No balls for you, young Cinder-Zappa.
Weak and cowardly. Empty wrapper.
Betrayer of your youthly self,
Now 9 to 5 and on the shelf.
Uncreative, antisocial.
So far removed it's downright woeful.
The slip so far to what you are
can only treasured memories marr.
Reclaim yourself, take back the night.
Keep your goals within your sight.
Self-sabotage and confidence lack
have stolen years you'll never get back.
Forget the times you could have made it,
before your chance and youth have faded.
Focus now on what will be
as working truly sets you free.

Baby Weight

If love is love as love should be,

then why does it enslave, not free?

Love is a power - nay, a force

that rivals all but gravity

and as said best by Spiderman:

"Power is responsibility".

You, the product of our love;

that spiralling arcing meteor.

Those fireworks, rockets, sleepless nights

that bred into a lifetime more.

And slavery was none more false

for waged I am by your sweet smile;

to relive that first one again

I'd crawl on cliche a million miles.

The perfume of your morning hair

outweighs the months of colicked hell.

To watch you grow and learn and love

I'd give again my childless self.

The birth of you one snowy day

shackled me with steely bonds.

But witnessing your joyful play

is all the freedom I could want.

The Mystery of the Moon

One crystal-aired and clear-skied day
I wandered pondering away,
To discover if the tales were true;
Is lunar rock just cheese of blue?
I asked the solemn cows so wise, but all they said was "Moo".

I had heard told the deep blue sea

Could answer any mystery,

So went and stood on windswept shore;

Begged and pleaded, screamed and swore.

The waves to calm me murmured "Shhhh", but gave no answer more.

I went to university,
The learn-ed folk and library,
But they were in a picket line
With angry looks and waving signs.
It seemed they had their own questions and wouldn't answer mine.

I scaled the Himalayas,

(The grass, the rocks and icy layers)

To see if I could see from there

If it were stilton or gruyere.

Altitude sickness got me first- I need much thicker air.

Atlas mountains on camel road,
With Bedouin tribes and desert code.
I saw the moon more clearly then
Than I ever will again.
I saw how silly I had been and found a peace-like zen.

It was obvious to me

The moon's not rock or cheese of green!

It's each unanswered mystery;

The "what' if"s, "what now"s and "what's to bes";

The gotten undreamed and the great-never-had:

That's why She glows and why She's sad.

Mindless Burblings

It's too late to leave

We're all here now

Why don't we make the best of it?

We could stay and chill, maybe take some pills.

Mutilation? I don't like the scent of it.

You saw me fall, you aren't so tall

and now we've facts to face again.

"Crush your head 'til you feel dead"

That's the motto of this nation.

Love of hate, let's make a date

for the ultimate destruction

It's over now,

well anyhow,

it's not gonna go much further

There is a word for what we sell,

I think you say it "murder"

Why do we live when we should die?

It's not the natural order

You say you hate us all - You lie!

Remember Eve? You adored her!

You laugh and smile and paint and tile,

It's an expected rejected cover

I know you've been betrayed before,

The wounds must still be bleeding

Your body's cold,

it's much too old

to deal with this feeling

Flowers and hearts and poison darts

aren't enough for space exploration

Churches and pubs and new born bubs

will be the downfall of civilisation

Italics and sporadic reasoning skills

are pointless until resurrection

Bimbos and life skills and alcohol and many pills

will be the cure for this temptation

Theology and belief are no relief for this terrible

self-deprecation

Assorted Notable Texts

Hey Gorgeous! How's it going? I had a word with Pepe Le Pious this eve as he was up to his usual tricks. needless to say he took it like the petulant little tit he is. Do I care? Ha! Do I fuck! X
Ed. 24/8/07

I've had an idea: let's go to Japan by train. London to Cologne is the easy part, sleeper carriage, but Cologne to Moscow is different, difficult. Travelling via Belarus will always be difficult, esp. after the MinskMag expose. Moscow to Vladivostock, the main event is easy! 7 days of North Asian tundra and wilderness and rattling rails! The ferry from the East Russian coast to Japan will be a jape too - chai, seafood, Scrabble. You busy next week?

Robbie. 25/1/07

If the party is finished by then I'll be:
a) Surprised
b) Unhappy and
c) Arrested.
Seumas 27/8/07

I'm happy! My hands are dirty again, my nails with the black inside and I smell badly! Yahoo!

Claudio. 11/02/08

I've typed and then discarded at least 3 variations on the frustrated, emotional, lonely, bored theme & for all the fancy word play and poetic license not one conveyed exactly what I wanted to say, which is, for fuck's sake, someone kidnap me with care and dump me in the unpredictable so my day can start.

Robbie. 14/4/07

So why am I telling you all this? Cause you remind me of Dave. And it fucking scares the fucking shit out of me. And I want you to know that if you just want a joke and a laugh, or a shoulder to cry on, or someone to go dancing with, I'm always here, and you're never alone. I really hope you're laughing at me 'cause I sound like a drunken fool. see you soon.

Dan. 21/01/07

The situation: I'm sitting in an end-up shopping trolley @ a flat party above the Halt Bar, Woodlands Road. 60-70 people thru the door. New LPO organised seated dancing to Manu Chao. Guth, Matt, Louise, been & gone. Stranded, sea of steamers. now simply just in that trolley.
Robbie. 18/2/7

AQA estimates that you could live for around 6 months if all you had was an infinite supply of bluebottles. You'd need to eat a lot of them, though.

AQA (63336) 10/08/07

Glasgow... Saturday morning... people walking to nowhere with proper mind deep in other million places but not here. Glasgow Saturday morning people walking wasted looking for reality. Glasgow Saturday morning... I'm fucking tired.

Claudio. 15/03/08

Did you get a birthing pool? you desreved a short labour. I'm out tonight but you can totally phone me tomorrow, anytime. Glad there were no stiches. Please use birth control for now on. Seriously. my love to you all. Pervert.

Lorraine. 07/03/09

The point being, of course, that the beautiful messages that mean so much to us in these times are only as memorable as the life of your mobile. We don't send cards, love letters, telegrams even. It's such a tragedy.

To all of the above contributors: I love you all.

Basilesque Basilisk

Oh basilesque basilisk, you've captured me again!
No golden fleece of gain to reach, just smoky sublimation.
Fossilised and randomised, enraptured and endangered.
With bloodshot eyes and twitching sighs

And an often.. rather... strange...
 head.

Love: All

To err is human, to forgive divine

What course of action will be thine?

Heroic vengeance, stoic acceptance.

How sincere if any repentance?

A tree does not know it is wretched

But wretched is all that I am.

For I know I know nothing and inside that nothing

is the knowledge that all that he was was a sham.

And the fear of losing my unknowing had

Who was there when I called on my way to being mad.

The only one I called when it all went to shit

Who knew of my tears and my chemical habit.

The others passed 7 long years in the dark

As I wandered wasted our common-themed park.

Now this new attraction, so shiny and slick!

But is it honey or venom that drips from each click?

"I've seen love from both sides now" and other songs like such

And honestly for me the emotion gets too much.

I always retreat to the space in my head which opens to stardust and perceptional shift.

Not induced by drugs or anything more than a headache as felt by young Alice.

but I'm losing the point now; my reason is this:

I'm teetering on a lfe precipice

And it's not up to me on which way I will slide.

All engines are dead now, I nothing but glide.

How heady this high blood pressure!

How heavy the weight of the world!

In this humidity, no wonder my hair is starting to curl.

And I can do nothing but pass back and forth

Like a tennis ball, final, Wimbeldon court

And it's Love: All

So Spoke My Lover's Ghost

Kiss me love and let me die,
No backward glance, no tearful eye
No longing or lingering last embrace
No staring blankly into space
Forget my love, my laugh, my touch,
New memories are made as such.
Recall not my lustful sighs
Find joy between new nymphet’s thighs.
Think not of how I sleeping breathe,
For lonely nights bring no reprieve
And as I sadly watch you grieve
My heart breaks. And burns. And bleeds.

No Apologies

My heart belongs to another,
My body another still.
Some things I cannot explain to you dear
And other things I never will.
My life is my life and
Your wants are your wants:
The pair will rarely agree.
So please stop trying to take me to bed,
Pure sex is just not for me.
I require a further connection of minds,
Of rhythms, of values, of life.
I’m not just another ridiculous girl,
I’m the woman all men want as wife.
How dare you think me so accessible?
I’m shrouded in love and surrounded by walls
And all your attempts with be no good at all.
I’ll gift you with nothing but memory’s recall
Of a want unfulfilled
And a woman strong willed
And beautiful, gifted and tall.