The Lunatic Will Always Look Like A Lunatic

I’m a loud speaker, baby.
The fun-house mirror of the world.
I amplify the signals.
I throw back at you your words.
I’m a great big natural sea sponge,
absorbing your projections.
I long to be impermeable, unreflective
to have protection
from all the barbs and badness
that others throw at me.
Instead I let them in,
magnify them, then I see
the way I’ve been affected
and what I’m giving out
isn’t really what I think at all
so what’s that all about?
Thoughts not mine come flowing forth
frothing with their falsehoods
while reason screams “you’re making scenes
from others’ opinions and bullshit!”
True people make me truly myself,
I noticed years ago
when first I learned what it meant
to honestly let go.
The worst of these adopted themes
is others’ jealousy.
I don’t know how to deal with it
it doesn’t come naturally.
Instead it makes me crazy,
thinking in ever smaller circles,
doubting those I love
eroding my hard-won self-worth.
It must be fucking awful
to have to always feel like that.
I’m glad these thoughts are not mine;
I’ve just absorbed them from that twat.
The one who fawns all over him
and then treats me like shit.
To see her act like a Mean Girl bitch
is frankly, a bit pathetic.
I’m his wife and he’s my husband
and we believe in marriage.
Perhaps you should focus on your boyfriend;
your own relationship needs to be salvaged.
You’ve no respect for us, it’s clear
and your self respect needs attention.
And as you really aren’t worth my time

This is the last time you’ll get a mention.

Magpie

All week long I saw them.
Those portents gleaming, squawking,
hopping, cocked head, taunting,
“Sorrow! Sorrow!”; giving warning.

Well dressed spectres perching trite
on ghoulish glamour of foresight
from watchful beads. Their message might
be overlooked, taken light

-ly. I mistook their solo missions
as personally guided acts of attrition
and didn’t realize what they were bringing
was the precious gift of premonition.

Now I replay my memories and lessons impart
-ed by you, my husband’s family’s matriarch.
Luminous lady now journeying in to dark
with no map or signs. No official chart.

Are those monochromatic couriers guiding
the Valkyries with whom you’re riding?
Battles corporeal you fought inspiring
-ly with bravery unretiring.

If the piebald post can pass their notes from Future into Past
Can missives slip between the cracks of the Living and the Passed?
And if only one can get through to you
out of the endless many
let it be this truth you’ve heard a million times:

“Ciao, Tesoro. Ti voglio bene”.


In memoriam of Luciana Pavia. 4th October 1940 - 20th January 2015

Island of Culture Film

A couple of months ago I was interviewed by Christy DeHaven and Dave Armstrong for a film they were creating celebrating Island of Culture. Here is that film. Please take the time to look up some of the other people featured. You'll find some new favourites, I'm sure.

http://vimeo.com/116070096


Only Words (The Alphabet of Racism)

Apparent Brainwashing Conquers Defenses Eventually Forcing Ghoulish Haters Influence Jarringly. Kakistocracy, Letting Meaningless Names (ONLY WORDS) Pierce. Quick Result; Scarred Terribly. Violent Words Extol Yobs Zilch.

A is for Abbo.
B is for Black.
C is for Chink.
D is for Didikoi.
E is for Eskimo.
F is for Foreigner.
G is for Gringo.
H is for Honky.
I is for Indian.
J is for Jungle Bunny.
K is for Kike.
L is for Limey.
M is for Mong.
N is for Nigger.
O is for [ONLY WORDS]
P is for Paki.
Q is for Quashy.
R is for Raghead.
S is for Spick.
T is for Taffy.
U is for Untouchable.
V is for Vulgar.
W is for Wog.
X is for Xenophobe.
Y is for Yid.
Z is for Zingare.

After Brutally Collecting Deemed Epithets, Flinging Grenades Handed Intergenerationally, Judgments Kept Mean Not [ONLY WORDS]. Plainly, Quiescent Revolution Solves Troubles. Unclaim Vicious Words. Express Your Zen.

Indesiderata

You looked at me and the love in your eyes faded
And I realized it was this I was most afraid of.
The swapping of fluids is only an act,
A bodily function, a pastime in fact but,
Seeing you look at someone else like that –
This is what heartbreak is made of.

You looked at me and the love in your eyes faded.
It was a look until then I hadn’t noticed was missing.
I saw it the day our son was born,
Before we were married each and every morning
But yesterday I would blindly have sworn
That sparkle was there, betraying your feelings, glistening.

You looked at me and the love in your eyes faded
As if someone had put a night-cover over the sun.
At that moment I felt myself partly disintegrate
Pulverized by a blow indelicately dealt
It jarred and its impact still reverberates
Was it too late to go back to where we had begun?

You looked at me and the love in your eyes faded
As if it were I extinguishing your flame.
I would never have thought
A glance could import such
Weight of a lesson well taught
But this is the time to rebuild and not place blame.

You looked at me and the love in your eyes faded.
And I saw it had been for experience traded
The trust between us had degraded
By poverty broken, jealousy jaded
Both hard headed, couldn’t be persuaded
That through the worst we had already waded.
We spoke and we realized we’d already made it.

We looked at each other and the rest of the world

Evaporated.




2014 was a tough year. Not just for me, but for everyone around me. This year I learned the importance of good communication. 
Ironically, that's all I want to say about that.