Too

it’s tomorrow already and all days are gone.

what once was hope’s now

broken, floating

           motes.

it’s too much already and all peace has gone.

what once was all’s now

cruel, crawling

        brawls.

it’s too hard already and all diplomacy has gone.

what once was tact’s now

fractured, panicking

              attacks.

it’s 2 AM already and all seeds of dreams have gone.

what once was future’s now

uprooted, fruitless

              disputes.

   

it’s too late already and all plans are gone.

what once was trust’s now

crusted, suppurating

            cuts.

Chance Encounter

She came in breathless, restless, shaking

looking for something calming to take in

light of the heartless news he’d broken.

Miles from home and hard words spoken.

A cliché he’d taken, younger of course.

Probably blonde, probably divorced.

He wants to have and eat his cake.

To her, this is the island of heartbreak.

When we saw her she was in shock but soon she will be livid.

The bastard before he’d told her, had already spoken to the kids.

What can you say to a woman’s shell?

except; you have to keep walking when going through hell.

Avowed Renewal

Trust

rusts

When taken for granted.

We’d started

not to see each other.

Another role to fulfill.

Being responsible against our will.

This irresistible metamorphosis

re-imagined our existence from

blissful arts-based subsistence to

long term goals, earnestness, contentment

projects, rejections, expectations.

You know, it’s hard

to wear ill-fitting skin

just to get protection from the life that you’re in.

We’re both as bad;

I and he, he and me.

From our balls to our chains

we have shared difficulties.

We have our own little ways of getting through these days

that might seem odd

from an outsiders view

but you know, they work for us

and we’re not about pleasing you.

Our fights and compromises

have brought lessons and surprises.

Sleepless nights from anger teach as much as nights of joy

and one without the other is just noodles with no sauce soy.

So polish off those gloves, love.

Ding! Ding! Seconds out!

Let’s find out together what tomorrow’s all about.

I don’t promise to be gracious.

The best I can do is kind.

But if you promise to tell me your truth

I will promise to tell you my mind.

The Lunatic Will Always Look Like A Lunatic

I’m a loud speaker, baby.

The fun-house mirror of the world.

I amplify the signals.

I throw back at you your words.

I’m a great big natural sea sponge,

absorbing your projections.

I long to be impermeable, unreflective

to have protection

from all the barbs and badness

that others throw at me.

Instead I let them in,

magnify them, then I see

the way I’ve been affected

and what I’m giving out

isn’t really what I think at all

so what’s that all about?

Thoughts not mine come flowing forth

frothing with their falsehoods

while reason screams “you’re making scenes

from others’ opinions and bullshit!”

True people make me truly myself,

I noticed years ago

when first I learned what it meant

to honestly let go.

The worst of these adopted themes

is others’ jealousy.

I don’t know how to deal with it

it doesn’t come naturally.

Instead it makes me crazy,

thinking in ever smaller circles,

doubting those I love

eroding my hard-won self-worth.

It must be fucking awful

to have to always feel like that.

I’m glad these thoughts are not mine;

I’ve just absorbed them from that twat.

The one who fawns all over him

and then treats me like shit.

To see her act like a Mean Girl bitch

is frankly, a bit pathetic.

I’m his wife and he’s my husband

and we believe in marriage.

Perhaps you should focus on your boyfriend;

your own relationship needs to be salvaged.

You’ve no respect for us, it’s clear

and your self respect needs attention.

And as you really aren’t worth my time

This is the last time you’ll get a mention.

Indesiderata

You looked at me and the love in your eyes faded

And I realized it was this I was most afraid of.

The swapping of fluids is only an act,

A bodily function, a pastime in fact but,

Seeing you look at someone else like that –

This is what heartbreak is made of.

You looked at me and the love in your eyes faded.

It was a look until then I hadn’t noticed was missing.

I saw it the day our son was born,

Before we were married each and every morning

But yesterday I would blindly have sworn

That sparkle was there, betraying your feelings, glistening.

You looked at me and the love in your eyes faded

As if someone had put a night-cover over the sun.

At that moment I felt myself partly disintegrate

Pulverized by a blow indelicately dealt

It jarred and its impact still reverberates

Was it too late to go back to where we had begun?

You looked at me and the love in your eyes faded

As if it were I extinguishing your flame.

I would never have thought

A glance could import such

Weight of a lesson well taught

But this is the time to rebuild and not place blame.

You looked at me and the love in your eyes faded.

And I saw it had been for experience traded

The trust between us had degraded

By poverty broken, jealousy jaded

Both hard headed, couldn’t be persuaded

That through the worst we had already waded.

We spoke and we realized we’d already made it.

We looked at each other and the rest of the world

Evaporated.

2014 was a tough year. Not just for me, but for everyone around me. This year I learned the importance of good communication. 

Ironically, that's all I want to say about that.