Comprehensive Revelation

They’ve worked out I’m a cyclist, but not a pedaled clown.

I don’t take ‘roids to speed me up, I use yellows to slow me down

and I need stabilizers still, or I can’t get ‘round corners

without gaining either enemies or self-destructive fawners.

I sashay a land of sinkholes, of glorious gushing geysers;

of embarrassment and excellence in equally enormous sizes.

Every other diag-nonsense has appeared to be just that

but this one fits as snugly as sub-cutaneous fat.

Visceral rage throttles rational thought.

No focus. Too many ideas cavorting.

Spitting out flows to fight my fate.

Racing up and down with no baseline break.

I know it’s medicatable, I know that there is therapy

but redefining thought processes doesn’t seem to work for me.

All this linguistic trickery is far too far innate to me

for all their forms of CBT to make a difference you can see.

I’ll give it another go, you know?

God knows, since the closure of the floatation tank

I’m irrationally rankle-able at an elevated pace.

I’ll go back to star jumps, routines and early starts

to fight off the fidgets, the doldrums and broken hearts.

The mechanics of coping shook their heads in despair

when they saw my brakes in such disrepair

but what state would you be turning up to work in

if your life felt like bungee jumping in a whirlwind?

Nihilistic hedonist, life and soul;

or following the wind up bird into the endless hole.

Kate

When discussing women who can change the world

I would be remiss not to mention this girl.

She is witty, bold and beautiful. She loves debates.

You can keep your Catherine, it’s Kate that’s great.

Optimistic to the point of rebelliousness,

she brings out the best in the worst of us.

She is naughty and notorious, not B.I.G at all;

a pocket-sized and perfectly formed know-it-all.

She puts effort in the details, so you’d better pay attention

or you’ll miss the little touches that betray strength of affection.

We went for a quick coffee the first time we met

which stretched into hours, days, months and a set

of brand new wrinkles for my happy-creased face

which deepen every time we talk, ‘cause she’s ace.

Some people have suggested she has bats in her belfry

But I reckon she should be on Made in Chelsea.

Is that it, Kate? Is your secret out?

Is that what moving away’s all about?

Are you trading in Alex, Chris, Ed, Beth and Jo

for Binky, afternoon tea and prosecco?

All joking aside, I know we all wish you the best

and support your decision ‘bout what to do with the rest

of your life. You’ve adventures ahead

and you can always come back, when all’s said

and done. This island has open arms.

We’ve all fallen under the spell of your charms;

of your perfect diction, your painful puns,

and your clues for quizzes that leave people stumped.

You stand five foot eight (in your seven inch heels)

but we’re eye to eye on the issues that are real.

Shine your light in dark places, start the conversation.

Don’t accept pauses, repetition, deviation.

In the game of life you’ll find that no one has a clue

so you just have to do what’s right for you.

As a mark of respect from the Empire of Whimsy

I hereby grant right of indefinite entry.

(I’m hoping she’ll reciprocate, I must confess.

Her micronation’s spelled: [are you ready?]

N E T H E R L A N D S)

One last thing, Kate, you’d better keep a blog

so I can keep up to date with you and Frank the Dog.

Destined for greatness and determined to achieve,

I will shed my tears privately when you leave.

You’re not just cool, you’re cool-cool-cool.

You’re a credit to your parents, your island and your school.

You’re a treasured-ever friend of the rarest sort,

so go – explore – conquer – and report.

                                                                                                                                                   

I was lucky enough to meet award-winning journalist and all round wondrous soul Kate Holland through poetry work, friend connections and the general magic of the island around about this time last year.

 She has been working at Manx Radio presenting the Women Today program along with Beth Espey and Jo Pack for the last year. She has now decided to fly this little island nest. Today was her last day and as a surprise, a secret show was planned. I wrote and performed the above for her.  

Love you Kate. Have a magnificent time. 

Xxxx