Cemetery of Unbecoming

 I'm in a holding pattern, 

turning in unending circles

 despite myself 

Chasing tail through unlearned lessons

 in determined quest to bite myself.

Spending days in distraction

 finding ways not to hurt myself.

Re-living debauched memories 

in urgent search to find myself.

This is the Cemetery of Unbecoming 

Buried seeds of lust and longing

Unmarked passes made and missing

Moldering in bargain bins

While single magpie loveless sings.

Muddy boots, palms blistering

I'll take a little risk again

Disinter this interest and

Allow myself a fix again

Basest of humanity; 

faceless forms flick rapidly

through catalogues of flesh on screens;

engorge on empty lechery.

Perspectives over-pinned and tucked;

present the organs you want sucked 

or maybe you will do the sucking…

Anything to break the fucking 

tedium.

And if not flesh; what then, what's next?

Which path to clear a heart perplexed?

To undermine a mind obsessed 

with poisons?

 I can't destroy them 

After all the things they've done, 

Ever-present accompaniment 

Greasing the slips, licking their lips

Instilling distillery dictatorship 

Placing their bets while I plant my regrets

Supplanting my honour with guilty cold sweats.

Necromantical nectar 

Throat golden with glamour.

This pyre of promises - 

 beacon of rancour.

Flare in the fumes of a belly distended

Expose silhouette of your soul villipended

And scorched scarlet afterglow cheeks unrepentant 

Luminate languishing lustful intentions.

The fuel for destruction’s the same as creation.

Energy unspent explodes in frustration.

Reduction

 Reduce it to breaths taken.

Beaten pulses.

Footsteps passed.

Teacups drained.

Each action a klaxon of cause and effect.

Reduce it to sunsets

To tides observed

To unspoken words.

To limitless regrets.

The counting is comfort in cactii spines.

Reduce it to lyrics hummed

To prayers unanswered 

To untaken chances

To feelings numbed

Successfully.

Reduce it to the tangibles

To the concrete 

To the empirical

To anything other than spiritual.

Reduce everything you ever were

Or hoped

Or felt 

Or wanted

to the residue in the bath water

dancing on its way to the sea

Almost

 I see you everywhere, everyday.

Your hair, your smile, the way

you walk I hear you talking

 just beyond the scope of senses.

Whispering grief relentless.

It's just

I see you everywhere, everyday 

in passing cars too far away

for seeing to be certainty.

That it was you. I’m never sure. 

I know it makes me miss you more

for

I see you everywhere, everyday.

Smoke curling over ashtray

warm. Your jacket cold, unworn.

You took this journey defenceless.

Cumulonimbus portentous.

but

I see you everywhere, everyday.

Shoulders disappear through doorways 

in the distance. My resistance 

to reality acceptance strengthens 

Credence of multidimensions

because 

I see you everywhere, everyday.

It's weirdish hide and seek we play.

Between these worlds unseen

I slip and slide to find some comfort

but remain with pain encumbered.

Man,

I see you everywhere, everyday.

Gratitude’s debts remain unpaid

immured and uninsured

but mutual as our own destruction 

despite heroic harm obstruction.

Now,

I see you everywhere, everyday.

I hear the words you cannot say

mostly evoked by echoes ghostly.

You'll never forget, always forgive

and in the other timeline live

Squalour

 My processes lag,

Stifling the clanging of cogitative mechanism.

Passing phrases through gates;

Expression. Intention. Undercurrent. Relativism.

Comprehension comes too late.

Contempt cavorting in corporate catchphrases,

Sneering veneers revealed in seething facsimile of a smile. 

Earnest enquiry forms faux ami in translation, mistaken erosion of foundations fragile. 

Perturbed, perplexed and pessimistic I sit.

And remember fondly the simplicity 

of squalour.