I never thought the I would side with an aggressor.
“Never let the means unjustify the ends"
But it's hard to have honour suffocating under pressure
When the enemy of the enemy's temporarily your friend.
12 step. Goose step. Misstep. Fall.
Fatalistic, impotent.
Flailing fetid firmament.
Perpetually panic-perched
In fight or flight frozen.
But the show's on.
So it goes on.
Mask in metaphor, mask in reality.
Putting on the face of a sunny personality.
Scars in metaphor, scars in reality.
No more question of my strength or my sanity.
Crossfire massacre of crazed masculinity;
No Man's Land is my permanent vicinity;
With extra helpings of aggression at Christmas,
“for old times’ sake" it's a sentimental sickness.
Threat-making, bear-baiting sarcastic cowardice.
Rage-churning, bridge-burning emotional terrorist.
Promises vomited into pits of lies, bilious
dismissive, supercilious
and sneering in your bitterness, you're hideous.
My defence is the simplest;
nullifying narcissistic assaults on my peacefulness
by finding you ridiculous.
You're piteous and less than this.
I am the carapace that weathers every storm.
I'm the arrow-struck, 4ft thick, besieged fortress wall.
I am Horatio standing on the bridge.
I'm a nanny-goat protecting her kid.
You are a buzzing gnat,
A toxic stinking sewer r*t,
A remnant of an era that
is over and I won't go back.
I've lost count of the times you've tried to inspire suicide
But my success is measured in the things I have survived
and every time I smile I know I'm breaking free of your control.
My laughter is the fanfare at the rebirth of my soul.
I am stronger now that I'm free.
I am seizing liberty
My choices are my own (inside constraints of living)
My future is unwritten.
It's only just beginning
And my life's my own,
My life's MY OWN.
(In case anyone was wondering, we don't use the word R A T in this country. It brings terrible misfortune.)
