Showing posts with label Georgia Zapparoli. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Georgia Zapparoli. Show all posts

Here We Go Again

 And so here we go again,

Pitting flesh swollen with unshed tears.

You'd think after all these years we'd know

The earlier signs, the first parts to show

The strains. 

But no.

 Our ignorance remains

And where once there was shame

There is pride in the same.

I'm aware in the greater timeline

That this is merely a detour.

That everything anyone has ever fought and died for

Is just footnotes in the fossils.

Can you conceive it to be possible

That all your actions, however ignoble 

Don't mean anything?

Not really.

And we take everything so seriously 

Losing lifetimes to violent fantasy of justice 

But it's just this 

 bloodied blindfolds and broken bliss

Chasing leverets of honour through

Corn fields riddled with mines

And sometimes I think it's all worth it.

As once razed we could rebuild it perfect

And we'd know that we truly deserve it

Because we had suffered to earn it 


Romero


Romero was a romantic.
Voluntary Zombification
wasn’t included in his epic.
Nor was informational monetisation .

We are the mumbling, stumbling masses.
We’re the brain dead, GM fed, disposable classes.
Deafened by the rumbling malice used to reassure us.
It’s the somnambulists’ sonorous psalm-like chorus:

It’s their fault – COMPLY
It’s their fault – OBEY
It’s their fault – ACCEPT

Above us holographic promises projected
onto roiling clouds of discontent
seem concrete.

Below, the mire sucks to ankles, feet
rotting in perpetual effluent, deep
and cloying as corruption is cheap.

Malaise molests our mucous membranes,
remaining even after exhaling this weighty air.

With fuzzy focus, our brows furrowed
we attempt to see clearly in ever-long shadows:
the projections.

Mirages of meaning
heinously inspiring  false hope
through eye burning vapours  
and looking glass lies.
Fingers outstretched we strive
to grasp
then gasp
surprised
when hands pass
through
banisters on stairs
that were never really there
at all.

We fall
for this repeatedly,
our gullibility
rivaled only by the virility
of our envy.
Gaudy baubles.
Tawdry tell-alls.
Scandals based on media morals.
Distract, deny
debase, decry,
berate, then buy
into this
mis-in-
formation.
Visions of similar vexatious veracity
we are force-fed emphatically
until this aspirational claptrap
is snapped up
by strapped up
facsimiles of fashionable pretence.

(In their defence,
all face paint is war paint
and all clothing is fancy dress.)

And yes, I too
am subsumed
by this murky world.
Cursing at cloud forms
coughing at coarse fumes
finding comfort in costume.

Is this
security?
The Mafia style Protectorate
we live under with Protocol Three?
The perverted version of protection
offered by the Panopticon
promotes
extreme proposals
perfect
for pitting us
one on one
and on and on
we go ‘til we turn on
ourselves.

Belly-flames long gone cold,
we’re dejected, cut price, wholly sold.
Raised on debt and dreams of gold,
forget ever owning anything.
Political correctness causes steroid- thin skins
to equal the pages of the books we binned
and burnt
never having learnt
to critically think
our way out
of the mess we’re in.
Overused superlative responses
out-stretch soaked and underrated nuances
to polarization purpose.
Once we are accustomed to unreason at this rate
 we lose our slippy grip on the power of debate.
Reduced to frothing opinions,
forthright remonstrations
forceful demonstrations
and farcical deliberations
over arbitrary -isms and -ists.

“No I’m sorry, you must choose from this list
of things we have determined are suitable for you.”

When the decision is between
 being thrown to the hounds,
or buried under the ground,
still breathing
it’s no wonder folk are
keeping their heads down,
silencing dissenting sounds,
numbing their sense of feeling.

With enough bodies under the mire
the heap might just be high enough
to lift us up beyond this stuff.
That’s the logic, right?
Except that fetid foundations
build putrid palaces
and subsidence is simply
impossible to fight.
Sooner or later we are all sucked under,
fucked over
by a state that places emphasis
on cronyism and nepotists.

What makes you think you can win?
It’s not a case of sink or swim.
We need to invert the way we think
to even have a chance.

They aren’t world leaders,
they are world servants
And the sooner we remind them

the sooner we end this macabre dance.

Lucky in Cards

We wear our palms out applauding luck
as if there's any skill in such;
like raffle tickets are determined
by solid research. Candles burning
both ends until you're left the heart:
melted, burnt out, all light departed.

We falsely think that games of chance, as
all life is are as prescribed as dances.
(Foxtrot, waltzes, cha-cha-cha)
and never see how wrong we are.

Celebrate, by all means, yes
but recognise we're powerless
against the ebb and flow and flood
of the rhythms of the heart and blood.

                                                                                                                                 

I was lucky enough recently to go to the prize giving event for the Save the Children's Festival of Trees with my wonderful friends Ciara and Julie from Sweet Ginger Emporium.

( They are brilliant people and their shop is a delight. It is a goldmine for crafters of all varieties and I urge you to check out their website, or if you're on the island pop in to see them in Ramsey.)

 It was an evening I thoroughly enjoyed, as it gave me a chance to dress up, let my hair down and show off my brain all at once. I was struck by the enthusiastic applause at the raffle, how sincere people seemed to be, when it takes no effort at all to have the number that is pulled out of the hat. This poem flowed at that moment. 

Too

it’s tomorrow already and all days are gone.
what once was hope’s now
broken, floating
           motes.

it’s too much already and all peace has gone.
what once was all’s now
cruel, crawling
        brawls.

it’s too hard already and all diplomacy has gone.
what once was tact’s now
fractured, panicking
              attacks.

it’s 2 AM already and all seeds of dreams have gone.
what once was future’s now
uprooted, fruitless
              disputes.
   
it’s too late already and all plans are gone.
what once was trust’s now
crusted, suppurating
            cuts.


Manx Lit Fest 2015 - Ep.1.

This year's Manx LitFest was a whirl of inspiration for me.

I managed to attend more events than last year, but still not all of the things I wanted. I thoroughly indulged myself and it was most refreshing.

My joys ranged from Matthew Kneale, to Jason Lewis, to the Famous Five, to all the outstanding local poets and storytellers and to Viviane Schwarz.

While I will get around to talking about the other events, it is Viviane Schwarz that I would like to talk to you about today.

Followers of this blog will know that I sketch from time to time and my friends will know that I used to create collages and overly-complicated postcards with interactive pull-downs and pop ups. You may also have noticed that I haven't done this in a little while. With this in mind and a yearning to return to it, I took part in a workshop given by Viviane during Lit Fest.
We swirled vivid colours, created characters and writing implements, learned about stagecraft in relation to the performative aspect of picture books and one of us may have stabbed herself in the finger by accident. (don't worry, it's all healed now.)
Since the workshop I have used the things I learned to create a dummy book of my poem Perdita and have been swooshing about on big pieces of paper with paintbrushes and richly hued inks. It's wonderful.

Yesterday, I tried combining my Eames and Yellow Owl Workshop stamps with some characters. Here's the result:

The best thing was that my son was interested in what I was doing and wanted to join in, but sadly it was too late and he had to go to bed.

This morning, he woke me up with this:


The figure on the left is saying "Fly, my pretty, fly!"
The figure in the middle is saying "Wait!"
The figure on the left is saying "Darling, can you stop saying that?"


Thanks for the inspiration, Viv. Xxxx

The Ballad of Bob and Mary

***TO BE READ IN A BROAD NORTHERN ENGLISH ACCENT***

Bob and Mary live in a semi.
They spend most every evening watching repeats on the telly.
Burying their heads in digital sand.
Bob sups his beer, thinks ‘Aint life grand’.
He belches, reveling in its echo, tone and strength
then half-heartedly apologises, to save the argument.
Mary is repulsed but merely gives a tut.
It’s not she doesn’t care, quite the opposite but
after all these years of chastising and nagging
her enthusiasm for home improvement is flagging.

Once Mary would have been described a dolly bird.
Now she is just bird-like with a faintly tinted perm.
She’s been smoking menthol superkings sine she turned 21.
They still make her feel sophisticated, though she won’t admit that to anyone.
It hasn’t been a bad life and she’s not one to complain,
but she thinks she’d do it differently if she had her time again.
She liked to have been an air hostess and travelled all over the world
or worked on one of them cruise ships, or been one of Pan’s People’s girls.
Just something a little more glamorous and less like egg and chips.
She gives poor Bob a sideways look and purses coral stained lips.

They’re a staple in their local. Bob drinks stout.
Mary likes a babycham and brandy when she’s out.
Bob’s not fond of Mary’s friends. He hates their gossiping ways.
Mary whispers too softly. He misses half the things she says.
At half past ten, habitually they totter up the road.
Arm in arm, step in step, it’s not a long trip home.
“Bob” says Mary, “do you ever wonder if there’s more than this?”
“Mary” Bob says, “I dearly love you, but you’re pissed.
When you’ve had more than three you know you get all philosophical-like
I’ve told you before about your limits, it’s too much at my time of life.”
He straightened his cap and Mary just sighed
then she looked up and saw how soft were his eyes.
“I know love” she said “and you’ve given me plenty
but sometimes I feel all used up and empty”.
“Oh, duck! We’ve had such good times, remember when we were young?
All those trips to the seaside, those summers full of sun?
Annual foreign holidays to the Costa this and that,
strolling, licking ice cream in a kiss me quick hat.
It’s only right you’re tired when you’ve lived as much as us.
That’s why they give us pensioners free rides on the bus”.

She squeezed his hand and sadly smiled.
They walked in silence a little while.
Then, as they reached their little front gate
Bob’s caught Mary’s arm and said “Wait.”
“What?” said Mary startled, spun into Bob’s waiting palms
“While there’s moonlight, we’ve no music but we’ve love and romance,
haven’t we darling?”
Mary’s heart flew like a flock of starlings.
As she lifted her arms Mary was glad
that night she’d remembered to wear her Tena pad.
She murmured “Let’s dance” and Bob stepped a tango
then screwed up his face and yelled “Ee! Me lumbago!”
Mary cried “Bob! You poor old thing!
Let me give you a hand. Do you want me to ring
for the doctor?” “No, no,” he said
“the best medicine for me will be us in bed”.
“Oh, give over” she playfully teased
“between your back and my dodgy knees
we’ll be lucky to make it up the stairs.
Thank god the hot water bottles are already prepared.”

She helped Bob to bed and fetched him his pills.
Unplugged the cords to save on the bills.
Locked all the doors and turned off the lights.
Got into bed and they kissed goodnight.
In well practiced harmony they both removed their teeth
put them into one glass and pushed it out of reach.
They snuggled into decades long impressions of their love
on a mattress worn equally below as above.
As Mary’s dreams encroached she saw flashes of her life
From after and before she became a mam and wife.
A joyful tear slid down her nose
and she reached her cold feet towards Bob’s warm toes.
“Bob, why don’t we take the grandkids out?
Down to the pier and tell them all the stories about
when you and me was courting
and the lido? and your car?
And that bar that you fought in?
Let’s see how they are.”
Bob just grunted but Mary didn’t mind.
She knew her face was laughter-lined.
For it hadn’t been a bad life, and she’s not one to complain
and she wouldn’t really do it differently

if she had her time again. 

Some Poem

We are all searching for some meaning.

This curse of consciousness silk screens our experiences
into something more than just living.
Day to day survival;
waking, walking, working, wanting, wondering, whining.
Losing all sense of time and season.
The essence of humanity- the power of imagination
coupled with thumbs is a peculiar quirk of evolving mis-creation.
For our corporeal inertia alongside technology based modern culture
means we’re species-wide suicidal.
Maybe I’m just ignorant and if I am, please let me know
but, what other species carries the seed of its own destruction in its genome?

It’s all very well searching for meaning,
but would we recognise it if it smacked us in the teeth?

Romantic notions of noble knowledge wrongfully endorsing assumed superiority.
The “something more than this”
paying, praying, playing, planting, planking, pining.
Mistaking physical reactions as divine.
We’re tragically misusing the power of imagination,
arguing over imaginary friends instead of maintaining our own population.
If we’re going to survive we need to change our lives
There’s too many of us sitting idle.
I don’t mean to brow beat and I know I do go on,
but we’re distracted by searching for meaning while hurtling toward our oblivion.

Whether the meaning you find is friars, fractals or pterodactyls,
can you not do something more practical?

Anachronistic  practices are both more active and better for the environment.
sowing, stowing, slowing, growing, fore going.
We have much to learn from bumblebees.
Thanks to us, very soon they’ll only exist in the imagination.
Just like harmony, altruism and human rights legislation.
Go back to watching the Bake Off; never turn your magic slate off.
You’ll never sacrifice your idols.
You don’t have to listen to this.
You’ll forget it by the time you get home.
For I am just some person.
And this is just some poem.

Still.

I hope you found some meaning. 


_________________________________________________________________________________

This is the poem I performed at the Manx LitFest 2015 poetry slam. 
The winner was Jennifer Davies with her magnificent tale of a teenage practitioner of the occult. Funny, engaging, richly written and expressively performed, Jennifer is a new favourite of mine. I can't wait to hear her again. 

Education

“Those who can, do.
Those who can’t, teach.”
is used usually at the end of a speech
in that tone of sneering smugness
reserved for lies
that have been repeated so many times
they have earned a patina of wisdom
to the unassuming eye.

The purpose of teaching is not to instruct.
It’s about introductions and opening up
a mind to possibilities.
Then gifting the tools
 to make the best of these.

The folk that sneer don’t hear about the stories of success

that come when students overcome feelings of powerlessness.

Perdita

As I woke the other day
the sky broke. Big, grey
splotches on concrete.
Each one a cocktail thrown by an ex-lover in defeat.

Dressing, dreading
resigned to a day of
unabashed antagonists,
washing, waking
this disturbing state
insistently persists.
I attempted to give the half squint that hair leaving the house demands
but could barely see the mirror for Kirby grips and hair-bands.
They had spilt off the shelf and onto the floor;
some in the bin, some in the drawer
this atoll of accessories, point of origin undisclosed
 was girt by the lagoon of lost socks and outgrown favourite clothes.

Confused, I clamour for caffeine.

Stumbling through the hallway,
bare soles bruising on abandoned ephemera
as pen lids, lip balm and bouncy balls roll away
care-slow moving like a long lost Lepidoptera.

Steaming kettle further blurring sleep clouded
eyes I turn and reach wrist deep into a tower
of teaspoons.
Withdraw.
To hullabaloo calamitous, I stir.
I slurp.
I stare,
trying to work out where I am.
Such stifling clutter!
It looks like a nutter
lives here, hoarding
all things
carelessly tossed aside.

This realization drove an elbow into my gut.
I checked the doors and windows.
Sealed shut.
Jellied legs delivered me to my cobalt velvet chair,
I sipped my tea most somberly, reflecting on my despair.
I finished, then straight-backed rinsed the cup,
head up high, jaw a-jut
then set about with mop and duster
until all of the items regained their lustre.
Gave each a home, it’s proper place,
put away pairs of briefs by the case
and learned to live through windows.
On tiptoes from upstairs
I can see a sliver of ocean.

I’ve chosen to make the best of it.
It’s orderly now. And quiet.
Some people would kill for this solitude.
I stoically abide it.

As for all the teaspoons, I’ve made myself a crown.
I accept I’m lost, for this is where I’m found

The Other Man in the Photograph

I got to the scene and wouldn’t you know,
there were people about, watching the show.
Squinting eyes under clammy palm,
I can just about see it.
A swallow.
A circle clears around me,
tainted by people’s realization of the role I am to play.
Unclean.
A hush.
Mine are the legs of a broken man.
The first step on the sand is a half-trip.
Drill Sergeant Duty barks in my ear:
“Get on with it son!”
While Compassion is left dry-heaving,
haunted eyes on the shore.

When I reached him, he was
half floating
hair fanning, like
hopeful fingers reaching for a
honeyed future.

I squat.
My shoes sink in sympathy and sodden sand.
My hands reach
Uniform baptized
I cradle him.
Skin puffy with salt
my teeth grit as my throat is assaulted
by the sickly coating of stench.
For him, I stand.

Valkyries do not ride for children who drown at sea,
but I carried him with professionalism and dignity.

Later, I went home, kissed my wife,
put my uniform in the wash.
Kissed my kids good night.
I stood under the shower for an hour and a half
scrubbing and soaping, but still got a waft
of wasted life every now and then.
Went to bed and tried to sleep knowing
tomorrow
I’ll do it all over again

Superpowers 101

Definitions of self are elusive at best,
Perceptions formed through actions
or reactions
or inactions
that surprise.
The lies we perceive
others tell to deceive
us are just
versions of verisimilitude unverifiable
by outside sources but
of course, we get all uppity, huffing,
“Just who does he/she think they are,
you can’t pull the wool down quite that far,
I’m not as green as I am cabbage looking!”
Putting ourselves on some pedestal,
as if our version is more credible
because that was our experience, so it must be right.

Descartes said: “I think therefore I am”
Expanding this, I plan
to define my existence through my opinions.
But what of utter indifference?

If we define ourselves through preferences
we have handy little references
to remind us of who we think we are.
Like, a car; a phone; a polyphonic ring tone – ironically.
And maybe, just maybe the Old Ones knew
of the selfie-and cctv-sodden future, too.

The act of watching a thing changes the thing being watched.
That’s a law of physics, that- I didn’t make it up.
But the point is, introspection, narcissism and the rest
of the behaviors oft’encouraged by the media of the West –
Are they changing us?
Thrusting flashes in faces starts
 a chain reaction
on a microbial scale.
Colloquially named
Quantum Manipulation
it has a solemn application
in your everyday details.
But the question we want answered
is “can this power be harnessed
so we might direct our dances
and our version might prevail?”

With glee, it falls to me to be your Miyagi-San.
You can, and will master this.
The power’s in your hands.
All you need to do is believe what you perceive,
but to be aware and selective about your perceptions.
I don’t mean kidding yourself, this has to be done with conviction.

If faith can move mountains, against microbes you’ve surely a lever?
After all, what do you call a God without a believer?
Perceptions of self and the resulting definitions
are malleable at will. This has far reaching repercussions.
For if “Mans’ greatness comes from knowing he is wretched”

surely we can know we are wonderful, instead?


With great joy I brought to mind my philosophy tutor at University. I hope he is wonderfully well. Sadly, we've lost touch. Paul, if you read this, Hey! Xxxx

Perseid Nights

The gift of a science celestial.
It’s the atmosphere’s firework festival.
The night is a warm one, breath-catchingly clear
with the galaxy’s profile an ethereal smear.
Cricked necks and curses at errant headlights
as space detritus burns up in the heights.
But,

beware, beware
adoringly gawping,
star-strickenly fawning
ignoring the floor
and where you’re walking
‘cause you’re outside, right?
And on these humid Summer nights
your every step is beset by

slugs.
These slithy gherkins
lurking; determinedly
mucously marking their paths
Those hobos hopefully hunting
sustenance
by the garden fence
are often tragically reduced
to a smear
less ethereal and more entrails.

When we noticed all our potential victims
of heavy footed murder, we picked, toe-tipping
across the pitch-dark path, therein
turning eyes to earth and star-sights missing.

It occurred to me the verse of learning is hidden in everyday things.

For if we live for the spectacular
we risk that sickening crack you hear
when crushing Sluggy’s cousin
to oblivious oblivion.
Similarly,
if we diligently
avoid this genocidal killing spree
we miss all the good stuff.
With eyes for the earth
and cricked necks and curses at the errant soles’ hurt.

There must be equilibrium.

At the hem of the horizon
the cleaving beam of the valiant beacon,
halfway between there and back again.
This suffocating compromise blinds us
to both wonder and loss.

When faced with this decision
I find I’d rather play
a game of sluggish hopscotch
and watch meteors when I may.

I’ll give you back your even keel,
your solid, dependable lighthouse deal
I’ll reel
with my nadirs and zeniths instead.
For as long as I’m feeling

I know I’m not dead.

Ugh, People.

“They didn’t get rid of you, then?”
They all said,
eyes glinting.
The gossip-beast slavering to be fed.
“Got rid of me? Hah! For what?”
I’d challenge
as another pen dropped
 from my wizened hinge.
Crippled with the clarity
of this vista of viciousness.
Why do people always want others to fail?
Is it modern gladiatorials
or voyeuristic grotesques?
Or just jealousy,
that most verdant of vices?
Is it easier to share joyful memes virtually
than really share in meaningful joy?
I hope not.
Strange fruit goes to rehab in a heart-shaped box.
These are generational fables,
the martyred and the mocked.
Hype-hounded hysteria
When will we ever learn?
The ones that glow the brightest

are the fastest ones to burn.


I used to feel cosmically connected to Amy Winehouse. Now that the film of her life is coming out, my thoughts have turned to the ghoulish spectacle that was made of her life. I read this article on the Guardian website which states that this phenomena is worse among portrayals of women. I am not certain that it is, but it was definitely food for thought. 
What do you think? Do we hunger to watch people crash and burn?

Avowed Renewal

Trust
rusts
When taken for granted.
We’d started
not to see each other.
Another role to fulfill.
Being responsible against our will.
This irresistible metamorphosis
re-imagined our existence from
blissful arts-based subsistence to
long term goals, earnestness, contentment
projects, rejections, expectations.
You know, it’s hard
to wear ill-fitting skin
just to get protection from the life that you’re in.
We’re both as bad;
I and he, he and me.
From our balls to our chains
we have shared difficulties.
We have our own little ways of getting through these days
that might seem odd
from an outsiders view
but you know, they work for us
and we’re not about pleasing you.
Our fights and compromises
have brought lessons and surprises.
Sleepless nights from anger teach as much as nights of joy
and one without the other is just noodles with no sauce soy.
So polish off those gloves, love.
Ding! Ding! Seconds out!
Let’s find out together what tomorrow’s all about.
I don’t promise to be gracious.
The best I can do is kind.
But if you promise to tell me your truth
I will promise to tell you my mind.

Simon Andrews Memorial Lap

We gathered in our thousands
to rend the sky with roar.
To celebrate the lives and rides
of those who went before.

Armour plated mourning-suits
helmets to protect
our beasts from saline offerings
that fell as a mark of respect.

Deafened by the orgy
of throttle twisted hymns.
Our incense snarled into the sky
absolving them of sins.
Crowds congregated, clapping, waving,
remembering the souls too brave in
their glorious golden days alive
as the prayer wheel throbbed with devotional sighs.

This is the bikers’ pilgrimage.
Thirty seven and half a smidge
miles from Grandstand to Governor’s Bridge.

For them; for us,

we ride.



Picture above totally stolen from https://forum.motorcyclenews.com/topic/74662/unbelievable-turnout-for-the-simon-andrews-memorial-lap-of-the-tt-course-thousands-of-bikes

I took part in the Simon Andrews Memorial lap and had an image of my head of the Mountain Course becoming a prayer wheel, with the exhaust fumes being the burnt offerings. It was a hugely emotional experience. The Island is always exciting at TT, but this felt reverential. 
I would urge anyone with even a slight interest in bikes or road racing to visit, take part and thoroughly enjoy the TT. It's an experience. 
Xxxx

Home and Hospital for the Incurables

Gothic institution, high on island hill.
Oceans of ink. A sky entirely of quill.
The Warden’s keys jangle alarmingly in the lock.
She punches in, signalling day’s beginning on the clock.

One by one along the stacks
the strip lights buzz and yawn.
Their dust dilated haloes are vesperturnally forlorn.
Muffled footsteps on threadbare shuffle
and distantly a hushed kerfuffle
whispers through still air.

The Warden sighs and rolls her eyes
at the metronomic morning mantra
as the echoed mouthfuls materialize:
“You can’t make me get up if I don’t wanna!”

This is Gulchik. Every day
she wishes that the night would stay.
She likes to moonbathe. It helps to soothe
her erratic solar-stifled moods.
The Warden pays her little mind
but checks the email, flips the sign
on office door from “out” to “in”.
Another day at work, for her sins.

A shadow flicks across the door
trailing a wake of intense intention.
Lamps flick on. Decisions are made.
Coffee brews.
Its olfactory serenade draws others to the room.
They are gathered in a foyer of a library of sorts.
A refectory of writings and of reactionary last resorts.

The people here aren’t free to leave
but purgatorially persist.
Endlessly refining their flaws
as three dimensional as a Moebius Strip.

The self-appointed Head Librarian is a very jovial chap.
He wears a suit of sepia wool and a shiny brass-badged cap.
Perpetual cup of half-drunk tea
in hand. You’ll find him at his desk.
Any scrap of thing you want to know
he’ll give upon request.
He has it all neatly filed away,
it’s hidden in the stacks.
Taped up dusty cardboard boxes
labeled “Synonyms”, “Sources”, “Syntax”.
BUT.

He really

loves

charades.

The Simpleton Sphinx has found a way
to turn easy admin into frustrating play.
He will answer all you care to ask
in cryptic clues an interpretive dance.

Gulchik tries to help the situation along
offering answers so painfully, blatantly wrong
that Warden orders her to read
and get the education so clearly needs.

As she strops away we catch a glint
deep in the murk. If you squint
you might just see a figure slim,
locally known as Tin-Foil-Tim.
This is a name the others gave to him.
He will not reveal his own for fear
of hidden cameras, tracking devices conspi-
racies and the mere
acknowledgement of his presence
scrambles him like a startled pheasant.

Thompson or Thompson,
(It’s not clear which)
twinkles his eyes
and gives his moustache a twitch.
“Only 3% of pheasants live to be age 3”.
The bowler-hatted figure grins charmingly, broadly.
His lapel-pin draws the gaze
in pompous-fonted letters the phrase
‘Keeper of Ephemeral Wisdom’ is engraved.

Bouncing his cane he turns with flair.
And all returns to the still, silent air.

A distant light fades into view.
A pale coral comforting hue.
The kitchen with its Aga and its well worn table top
is host to existential debates that never really stop.
The sisters here go on and on about the nature of truth.
One’s called Anna-Nostalgia and the other is Memory-Ruth.
Steaming tea-pot, pink wafers biscuits, cross-stitch and knitting.
The only thing they agree on is which chair the other should sit in.

This little room is haunted by the wraith of poor Miana.
She hisses now from shadowed corners.
She was drowned in raucous laughter.

While this cosy little picture may well warm your oysters
there are secrets to be discovered in the dark beyond the cloisters.

This monochrome stone is Daemenzia’s domain.
Her most terrifying weapon her glaring disdain.
All angles and German modernist lighting
she is used as a guard specifically to frighten
others to stay out and one to stay in
the padded devotional cell that she’s in.

Through the door-grill she may be glimpsed.
The disheveled, wide-eyed Mistress of Mince.
Hunched over paper, desperately scratching.
Her dress is so well worn its mostly just patching.
Bare foot and grubby she tremors with breath
for if she ever stops writing it would be sudden death.

The Warden sees the Mistress but they rarely interact.
How can a rock hope to understand the notion of the abstract?
For Warden knows what others don’t, by virtue of being the carer.
The Mistress’s powers are transcendental. What Warden discovered had scared her.

All the books in the library were hand written not typed
in identical scrawly pea-green swirls on identical pages striped.
New volumes are forthcoming at an ever steady rate
but the oldest book in the library is sealed inside a safe.
For it describes in detail the ink washed island hill
and how the Mistress had created it through the force of pen and will.
The sudden death she fears isn’t her earthly own
but everyone that’s placed in the Hospital and Home.
For although they cannot leave and are prisoners of her construct
she has grown accustomed to their distracting disorderly conduct.

And so she goes on writing
above ink sea on island hill.

In a gothic institution

where the sky is made of quill.

Rant

Fear
steers
our ideals.
I like to pretend
my intentions
are guided by pride
in my liberty
but honestly,
it’s obvious
that them and us
mentality
has still in some way
stuck to me.
Headlines. Lies. Wage discrepancies.
Turmoil. Spilled oil. Unwanted pregnancies.
Terror. Hate. Islamic State.
Ukraine. Fascist Spain. Corrective rape.

We are all in the throes of compassion fatigue.

Our syndrome’s symptoms are nationally glaring;
nonchalance not-so-much as simply not caring.
Heads in phones, wearing headphones.
Drown the sound of the world.
Limit your vision to screens
that only show scenes
 you enjoy.

But ignoring a problem doesn’t make it go away.

Borders are force fields that only bureaucrats and Ultra-Nats believe in.
Between here and there
the air is barely blown,
just breathed across the seas
and when it reaches from them to me
it still carries discordant disharmony,
tasting of wasted life,
of sighs and suffering.
 It howls in the night.
Insomniacal  I howl back
attacking the geminid specters of
Worry
and
Guilt
with mindfulness.

Breathe in.  Breathe out.

Leery beasts grow bored of fangs
and inconclusive forms.
As aurora creeps forward
reluctantly they resolve to return
appropriately costumed.
Donning masks of questions asked uncomfortably.
Of bills and will,
sobriety, propriety,
duty, judgments…
I thought once I was free of these.
It turned out I had nurtured alternative anxieties.

If 2014 was the year of mock outrage,
is 2015 the year of sincere apathy?

Disempowered, disenfranchised. disinterested and diseased.
This stiff upper lip is slippery with sweat
and yet, and yet…
we plough on.
Heads bowed.
Backs bent.
Begging bowls deflecting heat.

Al l the better to beat you with, my dear.

From this disadvantage point we focus
on dropped litter
unscooped poop
and the life-changing necessity
of gadgets built with slavery.
When did we lose sight of reality?
We’re the quiet kid in class.
We gave them our lunch money when they asked.
Right now we’re being left alone but we know they’ll be back.
Attacks on disability, on obesity,
on smokers, on pensioners…
all in the pipeline.
And in time
even you.

Spurious statistics trick citizens into soul sickness.
Scared of what strangers might say
they toe the line.
Seeking only to be allowed to survive.
Never even dreaming of the freedom to live.

Times are hard for dreamers.

But is this really the time to be dreaming?

Massacres masquerade as aid resulting in mass graves and raids
and despite all this we still maintain
that we’ve done nothing wrong.
As long as we ignore Mrs Doasyouwouldbedoneby
We are living and
they are dying
by the bad mistakes we are making.
Simple moral codes forsaken.
Deserted water babies we are,
gasping, gulping in the arid air.
Mrs Bedonebyasyoudid
blows the lid on thoughtless theories.

Preposterous postulations applied to human populations,
pushing politics, suffocating nations.
Freedman economics makes
slaves of man to profits.
It galls me to know that both bullets and blossoms
are patented
with pocket linings in mind.
We click, click, click on little links,
as if it makes a difference.
We: raise awareness.
They: raze cities to the ground
in our name.
As a life-long, tie-dyed, self-sufficient Dove
I’ve always had faith in the power of peace and love
but I’m beginning to see the
necessity of action.

Funding and fueling feuding factions
is certainly not a diplomatic tactic learned at charm school.
Such cruelty only stokes the hate,
chokes the hope,
halts the growth
and seals the fate
of recipients of its offensive.

And it is offensive
to tell you that out of 287 plane crash victims,
8 were British.
As if that’s the only reason it’s a tragedy.
Assume the air of supremacy.
Motherland knows best.
These modern-day quests
to slay behemoths of our own creation
are an exercise in the power of misinformation.
Cnut now I stand ,thigh-deep in blood
and rage at the rising tide.
Sweetness swept away in the flood.
Read the bones that remain.

We are all in the throes of compassion fatigue.
Ignoring a problem doesn’t make it go away.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Resolve to return
empowered, enfranchised, interested and enraged.
The life-changing necessity of
attacks on spurious statistics
seek the freedom to live.
The choices are simple moral codes.
Make a difference.
Stoke the hope.
It’s a tragedy to assume the air of supremacy.

This world is our creation.



This (long!) poem was inspired by conversations with a few dear friends. We all feel something in the air at the moment. It feels like change. We hope we're right. 

Women Today on Manx Radio.

Today I had a great time on the Manx Radio program Women Today, talking about all things poetry, the Oscars and performing some of my poems. You can listen to a recording of the full show here:

Yes! I want to listen to awesome women! 


Many thanks to the whole team. As for writing a poem about my experience... well, you'll just have to wait and see.

Xxxx

Snow Globe

At Christmas families are reunited
Even those members you’d prefer weren’t invited
We stress over food, presents and reindeer sighted
                Then convince ourselves it’s a holiday.
When recalling childhood memories, though
It’s not the obtrusive fairy light glow
Or even going out to play in the snow;
                These aren’t the sensations that stay.
It’s watching the joy on small surprised faces
And hiding presents in imaginative places.
It’s still (in March) finding pine needle traces
                And four o clock starts on the day.
And as the wheel turns with each passing year
And fewer of the older generation are here
Best wishes seem bluer and much less sincere
At least, it can feel that way.
Atheists exercise gluttonous proclivity
While Christians celebrate the nativity
And merchants are anxious about consumer inactivity
                And old folk on their own alone stay.
Perhaps instead of the giving of stuff
We should realize the giving of time is enough
Spend some of your working with folk sleeping rough
                Prevent police from taking their things away.
Each year the Belarusian children come
For a time of laughter and presents and fun
Without your support this could never be done
                This is the spirit of the season at play.
Give what is needed and where it’s deserved
Forget any grudges, forgive what’s occurred
Nurture warm feelings when they are stirred

                Don’t let sadness turn red and green memories grey.