Snow Globe

At Christmas families are reunited

Even those members you’d prefer weren’t invited

We stress over food, presents and reindeer sighted

                Then convince ourselves it’s a holiday.

When recalling childhood memories, though

It’s not the obtrusive fairy light glow

Or even going out to play in the snow;

                These aren’t the sensations that stay.

It’s watching the joy on small surprised faces

And hiding presents in imaginative places.

It’s still (in March) finding pine needle traces

                And four o clock starts on the day.

And as the wheel turns with each passing year

And fewer of the older generation are here

Best wishes seem bluer and much less sincere

At least, it can feel that way.

Atheists exercise gluttonous proclivity

While Christians celebrate the nativity

And merchants are anxious about consumer inactivity

                And old folk on their own alone stay.

Perhaps instead of the giving of stuff

We should realize the giving of time is enough

Spend some of your working with folk sleeping rough

                Prevent police from taking their things away.

Each year the Belarusian children come

For a time of laughter and presents and fun

Without your support this could never be done

                This is the spirit of the season at play.

Give what is needed and where it’s deserved

Forget any grudges, forgive what’s occurred

Nurture warm feelings when they are stirred

                Don’t let sadness turn red and green memories grey.

31

My body is my body. I’m not bothered what you think of it.

It’s carried me through all these years no matter what I’ve thrown at it.

The marks on my flesh; the scars on my organs

They’re trophies from my battles with the metaphoric gorgons.

I’m feeling freed from the cycles of love and hate and love and hate

Now I’ve relinquished thinking on self-comparative debate.

Some people get my name wrong and they pronounce Georgina

But I’m not diminutive in stature or demeanor.

Dubbed as weird, mad, aggressive and crazy

Because the clarity I see, to them, is hazy.

Censored by illiterati, told I’m inappropriate.

Asked if I was born with bollocks, labeled frigid, called a slut.

I’m conscious of all my decisions, chosen to remember them

At times when I am finding out if they were right or they were wrong.

I don’t claim omniscience. I hold intelligence in awe

I’d rather know I’m ignorant and perfectly flawed

For the journey’s earning’s learning in its absolute form

And it gives your seasons reasons for your earthly sojourn.

They say “Don’t get her started” and “Not again, here we go”

When engaging in discussion and opinion of their point is low.

This is my elixir, though. This heady mix of raw debate.

With sowing of seeds and the joy to watch them germinate.

Frustrated by the limitations I cannot see

That seem to bind most others to a life semi-free

With their worries of decorum or etiquette or saving face.

I’d like to rip their blinkers off, put Technicolor in their place.

You’ll never know what you could be if you never try

And then you’ll blink and you’ll be at the end of your life.

I’ve seen too many dreamers go to holes in the ground

And damsels in distress choosing to wait to be found

By princes preoccupied with kissing the seeming dead.

I can’t understand why they don’t rescue themselves instead.

I love Lara, Xena, Tank Girl and Janeway

For standing up and counting, for doing things their own way.

Ignoring real heroines, a culture habitual.

The women on that list were completely fictional.

I’m not sold on the Lady myth. Keep your expectations.

Sell them to someone who’ll accept that degradation.

Do you want your daughters to grow up with choice?

Then encourage them to speak in an authorative voice.

Teach everyone to accept that “no means no”

But it also means “stop asking” and “leave me alone!”

If someone cannot answer it’s still not consent

And you don’t get to decide what unconscious people meant.

Those lines that you claim are blurred beyond compare

Are clear as Autumn air, no matter what clothes you wear.

Attraction’s not a circumstance of pink and blue

So stop trying to squeeze a right foot in a left hand shoe.

I stole that line from Carroll, from the Man Upon A Gate

But unlike him I know that there is too much to relate.

For the journey’s earning’s learning in its absolute form

And it gives your seasons reasons for your Earthly sojourn.

There is too much to discover for to ever be bored

And you’ll find its only you who is even keeping score.

So accept your physicality and mistakes of the past

For your time here is limited and goes pretty fast.

Do you honestly want your last thought to be

“I didn’t spend enough time just being me”?

TEDxDouglas Video

Here is the video of my TEDxDouglas performance.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kVlINYfigNw

I had a ball being involved with this.

I hope you enjoy watching it. Xxxx

Inspiration

That intake of breath

Of fresh

Air.

Bringer of new ideas

Unfair

-ly mined

By a dozen minds

Or more.

These spores of thought

Are cultivated

Through mediums and means

Averages avoided in passionate extremes.

We find it

All

In scattered places.

Lost and founds

Fractals

Faces

Forms of clouds and outer space;

Equally in the grotesque.

Sparks flare catching

Clutching

At life.

Kindled by contemplation

Fuelled by frustration

Ventilated by imagination

Tempered by the midnight oils

As we watch our best laid plans

Burn.

We learn.

We turn to disciplines unschooled.

We spool our nets far and wide

Outside our comfort quarters.

Research has shown us one path

But doubt is crazy paving.

Stop saving for that rainy day

And discover for yourself,

your truth.

“I think therefore I am”

Is all we really know.

Why spend your precious life collecting objects just for show?

It’s not the breaths you take,

It’s the breaths that’re taken from you

It’s the things you make them feel

It’s the ones who matter and mind

It’s a million people just like me

Telling a million people how to see

The world, the truth, society

As if there’s just one

answer.

As if I somehow know better.

In my oh-so-limited life.

 I don’t

and never will have

The answer.

All is confusion.

All is loss.

Why try to mold this chaos

 after your image

When your image is only

Breath in frost.

You cannot force the muse

Or trick her into her prettiest dance.

You cannot even ask her for help

For fear of her reprisals.

Abandonment comes naturally to one so self-involved.
And artists such as we all are are not sufficiently evolved
to survive such isolation.

Frost bites back.

Coming of a Different Age

Strength is shown in many places:
bitten lips; grey gaunt faces;
blistered hands and leathered heel pads;
resistance of ugly school fads;
standing next to a pariah;
rescuing victims from a fire,
but the most extreme example of this
is true compassionate forgiveness.
And this loss I feel deflates me but with no sense of giving up.
Just filed away, in mothballs, covered and carefully hung up
at the back of my wardrobe with your old red checked shirt
its brutal gesticulations told the history of our hurt.

Arms dangle now in darkness,
frayed, threadbare, faded.
Rubbing shoulders with my first date jeans.
Both are uncomfortable. Unwearable.
Costumes of dead characters.
Self-interested adversaries
deprived of the fight.
Victories have never been so hollow.
Generations realigned.

I don't like being found.
Lost girls never have to grow up.

Nothing is Greater

I'm Patsy. I'm Margot. I'm Daisy. I'm Zelda. I'm Tallulah. I'm Billie. I'm Janis. I'm Amy. I'm Amanda. I'm Bjork. I'm Courtney. I'm Joni. I'm Melanie. I'm Bonnie. I'm Kate. I'm Kate. I'm Lisbeth. I'm Naomi. I'm Alison. I'm Lara. I'm Joanna. I'm Glenda. I'm Emily. I'm Jane. I'm Daria. I'm Tori. I'm Miriam. I'm Missy. I'm Mindy.I'm Jeannie. I'm Morticia. I'm Amelia. I'm Erin. I'm Lily. I'm Lillith. I'm Luna. I'm Tilda. I'm Bliss. I'm Alice. I'm Lotta. I'm Davey. I'm Darryl. I'm Judy. I'm Stevie. I'm Stevie. I'm Anathema. I'm Mary.




I was thinking about influences and inspirations. We are all the result of all we absorb, adore and those with whom we identify. The above are some of my parts.

Who are you?

To everything / There is a season

A heavy hand is on the earth,
restricting smell and sight and breath.
Euphoria of Summers passed.
Winter's bite delayed.
Withdrawl of energy and light.
Debits paid in credit's drought.
Hushful loss of thoughtful feathers.
Warmth beckoned,
we await the return of life.
Chapped knuckles crack in damp environs.
Long-gone the Spring of sun-hot step.
Sator Arepo tenet opera
rotas, rotas, rotas.




This was inspired by a combination of the weather in Maughold at about 3 o clock today (overcast, oppressive, heavy aired, birdless) and a conversation I had with fellow TEDxDouglas-er, Michael Daniels.

Michael's talk was on magic squares. I had heard of them in Latin, but not in numbers. It was fascinating to listen to and really engaged me from start to finish. I love language and spend so much of my time based in linguistics and medical thought patterns that it was like going on an adventure holiday into unfamiliar terrain. The world of mathematics is a foreign country to me and Michael was our charming guide.

I love the people I met at TEDxDouglas and the way it made me feel; hopeful and inspired.

Thank you to everyone involved, especially the volunteers.  This Island has really blossomed this year. It's an honour to be a part of it.

"At the second stroke the time sponsored by experience will be..."

The passage of time has never been stranger than now.
Objectively, I know that we still orbit the same mass of energy.
We still rise in the same light, live in the same dark
and watch the trees metronomic renaissance every Spring.
But the last few have trumpeted past as elephant-mice.
Events eclipsing the passage of time like never before.

And before...

There was a time that to you, every day before this one was yesterday.
There was a time when all days that follow today were tomorrow.
Then came the signifiers: "One tomorrow"; "Our yesterdays".
Now greatly extended we say "The Olden Days" and "Dinosaur Time"
and "50 hundred million years in the future!"
But the one that broke my heart was this:

"We saw Amalie and Isla there and Amalie had broken her dress on one of these" [wrought iron gate post]

"Oh, did you see them? When?"

"Before. When **** could still walk"





This was inspired by my son and a poem by my sister. She blogs over at www.bookwormsandcoffeemonsters.com on all sort of things and has just had one of her short stories accepted by a very exciting magazine. That's her story, though. I'll let her tell it.

You know I love you, right?

Not a Popular Opinion

I’m culturally appropriating.

You’re rating my passion

through the eyes of a career gold digger

looking for meaning unwritten,

themes and motifs and meta imagery.

I say what I see.

I’m on catchphrase constantly.

I’m good, but I’m not the one.

I’m frustrated by what I've become.

<sigh> narcissistic ramblings…

This child that went brambling

Now sips prosecco listening

To pseudo-socialist expressions espoused

By folk who don’t want to work.

“The system’s not working”

But you use it to support you.

You don’t earn any wages but bemoan the ways things are

while you profit from the sweat of others who are.

Thing is, I agree, things aren't the way they should be

but I find it hard to take you seriously.

You see, when I drag my bones out of bed

and pay all my bills and work ‘til I’m dead

You’re still sleeping.

You’re reaping your meager existence

from the aches in my muscles.

And honestly, I know there are some who can’t work,

They’re too sick, they’re too hurt by the weight of their age

But when you rage that your cheques not through

That the world’s not fair,

That it owes something to you

I can’t help it.

I’d like to give the help that you’ve received

To someone who knows what it’s like to really need.

A refugee.

Someone who wants to work,

Wants to support their family.

It’s not a popular opinion, I won’t earn any friends with this.

And honestly, there are some who will call me a hypocrite.

I claimed money when I first had my son.

Was made redundant when they noticed my bump.

It’s not legal, but neither was the war in Iraq

And we all know that that situation’s coming back.

Zero hour contracts, 50 hour working weeks

Flush the weak from a system that rewards the wolves.

There’s no paid overtime, we’re on Victorian rules.

Now, here I sit eating quince and cardamom jam

And my old punk friends wonder who I think I am

With my fancy little accent and shoes that have no holes

Now there’s middle class flab on my working class bones.

But my ideals haven’t changed, I still think we should protect

The vulnerable among us, give our elders our respect.

Speak to me statistically, romance me with the cold hard facts.

I don’t want to hear recycled bigotry, especially if it’s Murdoch Media backed.

I believe in the freedom of education.

I believe in the N.H.S

I believe that if you tell one generation

They’re doomed, you’re dooming all the rest.

I believe in the power of discussion.

I believe in empathy.

I believe that the kindness of strangers

Shows truthful humanity.

The amount of tax unpaid is now 30 times the money claimed

And yet the papers tell us that it’s benefits to blame

For why the cupboards empty and the pension pot is bare.

They tell that the CEOs don’t have enough to share.

Now.

I don’t work in finance.

I failed economics.

But I did work in promotions and

I know my demographics.

These pigeon holes we box us in, through judgement and research

And the one you’ve chosen causes my causes to be smirched.

And objectively I know there are so damn few of you

That the cost of it is almost worth forking out

Just so the folk who want to work

Don’t have to deal with you!

So when I’m fighting for the corner of the ones who need the aid

I would appreciate it greatly if out of my way you stayed.

You can pass you life in this way, you’ll find no judgment in me,

But please do consider if this help you really need.

Or if it would be better going to a refugee.

Someone who knows what it’s like to really need.

It’s not a popular opinion.

I won’t earn any friends with this.

But in this situation,

Empathy wouldn’t go amiss.

Humanity is a Virus

Lady Gaia blew the sleep sand from her dust encrusted eye.

Rippling verdantly she turned, serene in what she felt and why.

Intrigued she watched as her leaf-locks dis-re-dis-reappeared

in pixel squares. She raised a brow and thought, ‘That’s weird’.

She sought Ra’s malady-monger opinion.

He squinted and told her to stop thinking

about string theory and quantum bunkum

and try to get more sleep.

So she ignored it as best she could,

 although she began to feel strange.

Her friends were kind enough not to mention

her face was becoming quite changed.

Malodorous gases clouded her vistas,

she developed orbital detritus.

Even poor Luna’s surface wasn’t spared;

a sad case of environmentitis.

Jupiter came concerned for his friend

and of the terrisy he might catch,

raised the alarm and Lady Gaia

to Ra was swiftly dispatched.

With somberly professional flair

and a touch of harsh halitosis

he pronounced what she was scared to hear,

a terminal diagnosis.

“I’m sorry, my dear. It is clear you have caught

an industrialized case of the humans.

There are things we can try, but to you I can’t lie;

The prognosis is millennia not aeons.

As a titration resource I’ll give you a course

of anti-anthropotics.

It’ll slow them a while, come back when you feel

a definite change in your tropics.”

So Gaia took the microbes with great sad apprehension

and loosed them through her fleas and on her water’s surface tension.

The first wave seemed to go quite well

and the tooled-up apes retreated

in the face of the poxy buboes swell

and their fruitless attempts to treat it.

Gaia felt buoyed by this seeming improvement

and decided to contact direct

these creatures hell bent on destructive denuding

and persuade them this path to reject.

She consulted humble Roodrelac

The universal mediator.

(his heroism know no bounds.

We’ll discuss his story later).

He inspired her with native thoughts

of harmonic shamanism.

Persuaded her to try his spores

To help improve her vision.

She’d never felt so overwhelmed with new connections formed

A flood of shared experience and a flickering sense of divorce.

She returned to Ra: “I’ve found a way! I’ve heard it really works!

I can guide them through my inner strength and corrupt their own networks!”

“What quackery! It’s never proven. It’s just the placebo effect

The truth is some planets have natural immunity, or some we’ve come to suspect.

It’s a treatment nearly no one survives and the physical costs are most dreadful.

It’s still being tested, it’s not even licensed. It’s hippy-dippy and experimental.”

“Go on.” Said Gaia, her eye a whirl of desert storm sand concentration.

“They say that within them is coded a course of ultimate auto-extinction.

Apparently if you encourage their enhanced neuronic evolution

beyond the pace of their cellular form they will drown in their self-made pollution.”

Gaia looked shocked.

It hadn’t occurred that she’d have to get worse to get better.

She wanted to weep

But the glittering hope in her core

Wouldn’t let her.

Now she has fifty year checkups with Ra and he’s writing a ground breaking study.

Proving conclusively the treatment was real.

We wouldn’t want to prove him wrong.

Would we?

TEDxDouglas

On the 10th November, I will be performing poetry at the first TEDxDouglas event. I feel immensely honoured by this and wanted to pay tribute to the movement. For details about tickets and other speakers please go to

 www.tedxdouglas.im

Migranomancy

Here breaks that wave.
Awash
I'm tossed
from my mental enclave.
At the mercy of my tidal sense
current-lost inside my consciousness.
Desperately treading Aether.
Eventually all's still
I perceive
a light
so far away above.
Milky through the murk.
Try to reach it, it elongates and goes into reverse.
Manta-like I glide
drawn by my guide
it this saturated aura-verse.
All I perceive is brightness, lightness,
freedom and
detachment.
I realise in this flesh suit I'm free to travel round.
By thinking of my ankle, that's where my inner voice is found.
Limited by body without training to encourage
this latent talent/curse/condition. Without knowing how to mange
the handling. S'like Hyperoid; touchy, hit and miss.
It's an unusual type of voyancy, a questionable gift.
But there are others who have felt it, floating-free in inner space.
Migraneurs volante; they use their talent to create
worlds apart from solid air.
They find themselves,
their tales
there.



This poem was inspired by the magnificent Samantha Shannon and her book The Bone Season. This is the first book in a seven part series and I urge you to buy it, read it, love it, share it. She has created such a rich universe that I lost myself in completely. The end of The Bone Season left me breathless. I can't wait to read The Mime Order.
For this poem I recycled my migraine symptoms through the vocabulary and imagery of Samantha's universe and came up with this. I enjoy this particular symptom, so much so that I would never want a permanent migraine cure. I would be desolate if I were no longer able to interact with this sensation of utter fleshlessness.

Xxxx

Garnering Respect

Iconoclasts

have come, at last

to save us from this drudgery.

This too-easy, this clear to see

hegemony.

But icons as they are say what

They want and not

the truths we seek;

brutally bleak, more earnest than just

freakishly banal.

Their hype and zeitgeist distort the swarm

redefine the form of normality.

Crudely mis-marketing misogyny and misandry

as pride.

Another cardboard enemy

a Goldstein drawn among us to deride.

A different one allows themselves to be

unformed; unsure; walks clumsily.

This unvarnished personality

without polished paid publicity is kept

as curiosity, held up as sideline eccentric

to reject

at will.

And they will.

Using nebulous concepts like

Standards, or

Breeding, or

Culture

as excuses to slaughter to the screeching of vultures

or whatever altar serves best the purpose being pushed.

And the person being crushed by such faltering disservice

does not stop being a person when you’re hungry for their blush.

Objects made of people will ultimately fail.

“Neither use nor ornament”; it’s the old wives’ sliding scale.

Old wives, old knives, old scores to settle.

Metal measures mettle but the meter always morphs.

Intangible out-fluences – diluting stimulations

Reactionary conflation of the story you would tell

Intrinsic expectation of how disgracefully you fell

from the pedestal they put you on, the one you didn’t build.

It grew beneath your feet in the instant you stood still.

Starlet in the spotlights, frozen, blind, wide-eyed.

Demanding penance for your daring to have a private life.

Sordid little details now publicly discussed.

Using terms like “unladylike” and “ashamed” and “disgust”.

Hold your head up high, dear; fear is something they’ve not earned.

Their weak attempt to dampen your flame that brightly burns

Is just a pissing contest. You’re treading on their toes.

The days of rule by bully-force are coming to a close.

Sick Leave

Poverty struck me down with spore shot, seething
in the only air I could afford to breathe.
Setting up time bombs in my bronchioles.
Taxing my very breath.
Taking pictures and asking for help, moving furniture around,
open windows, light the stove - it didn't do the trick.
Beyond that we looked for a new home on slightly drier ground.
Who can afford lawyers when you're not paid when you're off sick?
It's a trap! It's a trap! This breadline game.
But if you accept the social all of society, you will blame
for dwindling public funding and cuts to the NHS
instead of looking to those with good health and their booming business.
Those who'll never have to live on coffee and dry Frosties.
Who can afford to pay for a dentist for the inevitable cavities.
Whose toilet has never frozen. Who can afford to socialise.
Who've never had to pin their hopes on their slum landlord's obvious lies.
Having climbed with tooth and nail from this awful bone-cold trap
the scars it left upon my lungs are the ominous short-cut back.
Without sick-leave we're all hel in this precarious state.
This is the poverty burden.
This is the 99%'s fate.


DISCLAIMER: My current landlady is an absolute gem and it's actually in response to her fantastic reaction to our garden that I've written this. She's magnificently pro-active and I feel very lucky to being doing business with her. Xxxx

Univocalism for Mark Grist

Go boldly, Vox; not long.
Toll for joy or glow for glory.
Now, hop off.
On words.
On show.
On story.
Form worlds from orbs of sorrow.
Grow onyx onto frost.
Yon lofty owl or shock prof,
do good for song-boys lost.
Hold on to shows on Rocks, bro,
of R-words - protocol shot.
Of rosy-fond folk of whom
Monty's (not oddly) not forgot.

Gimme Shelter

Family

Her face I wear.
His character I carry
in this body of recycled proportions.
Structures of lost-long generations
speaking to me in languages I never learnt.

The product of all of these
plus a smattering of circumstance.

Their gifts:
Empathy; humour; love of information.
Their curses:
Impatience; aggression; a slew of possible mortalities.

Reflected in my son.
Mirrored in my sisters.
Shaded by their histories.
As a family we are one.

The Misty-Eyed Memoirs of Comic Sans

We all do things for money

When we’re naïve and young.

They told me I’d regret it.

They said the time would come

When I’d want to do something serious,

Wouldn't want to be bubbles and fun.

But I played to young boys magazines

And all their advice I shunned.

You see me now in knock off bins

And bootlegs DVDs.

I’m never on embossed invites,

But flyers for wannabes.

Not known for my straight talking style

But for my curves that please.

The suggestion is that of a good time –

One for which there isn't a fee.

The boys queue up to read Her now.

Just watch her rising star.

Taller, thinner, simpler than me.

I’m sure that she’ll go far.

I feel I should have warned her

Out the goodness of my heart

That the life of a typecast typeface

Will drive you to the bar.

(co-written by Tenby. Copyright and ownership asserted)

Reality TV

Let's have a little chat about reality TV.
Just whose are these realities they're choosing us to see?
To mock and martyr, revile and revere,
Emotion's perspective tweaked and turned to play on our fears.
We use these worlds to bury ourselves in things we know not to be true
because none of us can face the real reality show - The News.
Mountain-top mosquito-people, drinking blood to survive.
And we've started counting instead, how many Palestinians are left alive?
There are state sponsored murders based on Kinsey Scale scores
and of institutionalised putrefaction we've never known more.
We waste our votes on X Factor and don't register to vote.
We don't know our rights but do know theme tunes, off by rote.
They're closing the borders! Too Early! Too Late!
                  The timing is quite immaterial.
They're not doing it to avoid Ebola's fate.
                  It's the absolute opposite of ethereal.
By maintaining money in short supply and feeding us mental dripping,
Further from human and conscious and pure we are irretrievably slipping.
Unless we change our habits we are doomed to these repeats
of funerals and far-off wars and fighting in the streets.
Just whose are those realities they're choosing us to see?
Take another look at your reality TV.

She Swore

She swore that she would love him
for better or for worse.
From the wedding carriage
to the funeral hearse.

She swore that she would love him
for richer or poorer
and wealth is measured many ways;
money's not important for her.

She swore that she would love him
to have and to hold
but his mind is playing tricks.
He doesn't remember growing old.

She swore that she would love him
in sickness and in health
but this damned disease is stealing him
insidious in stealth.

She swore that she would love him
to love and to cherish.
To watch him wither while alive
leaves on happy years a blemish.

She swore that she would love him
until death did them part
and although she does and he still lives
it's with a broken heart.

She swore that she would love him
til his bones were naught but dust
and alone she works to comfort him
and doesn't want a fuss.

Choices

Choices.

We all have to make them.

Which drink to drink.

Which thought to think.

Is this rock bottom

Or nirvana's brink?

Here’s a hint:

                     It's in your hands.

And yet our plans never seem to pan

Out.

Cause we schedule our schemes without talking.

We’re riffing without harmony and walking

When we should be dancing

And asking:

“What do you wanna do?”

I know you get frustrated

When you’re waiting and I’m saying

“I’m not sure, it’s so hard to decide”

But we’re drowning in a sea

Of unnecessarily delineated similarities

Dubious differences,

Invisible to the naked eye.

Distracting.

As wide as a sigh

With the full spectrum of importance

From turquoise

To teal.

Until you don’t know what to feel

‘Cause they’re stealing your freedoms.

Do you want gold or silver bars on your cage?

Choices.

We all have to make them.

Which turn to turn.

Which bridge to burn

Which path to choose.

Who’s respect to earn.

Here’s a hint:

                                It’s your own.

And when you’re thrown from your throne

That you built with blood and bones

Then you’ll have to knot your rope

And start climbing.

Hand over blistering hand.

The shifting sands of others’ expectations

And your own anchor preoccupations

Determine at which strata you plateau.

And although the decisions you make

May be different from his, or hers, or mine

Remember they’re yours,

But they do not define

you.

Choices.

We all have to make them.

Which battle to battle,

Which river to rattle,

Which knowledge to keep

Are we mind or matter?

Here’s a hint:

                                Reprioritise.

And when you try to look past

All the inconsequential shite

Of a world more commercial than pure

Be assured

You will see the ones who choose

Substance abuse over substance

You will see the ones who choose

Long term betrayal over temporary tears

And you will say

“They’ve made the wrong decision”

As if it were your undeniable right to judge them

And begrudge instead of empathise

Instead of recognizing

That the preferences of others are not your responsibility

And your own susceptibility to deference

To a power you perceive to be greater than your own

Is deceiving.

It’s another way to opt out of believing

In yourself

And your ability

To choose.

Garlic

The garlic-smelling-supplement-couple.
She shuffles.
He carries the bags and grumpfs.
Always in knitwear.
Hippies, but not in the romantic sense.
They are:
Sensible sandals
They are:
Weather-worn skin.
They are:
The happily-ever-after
of the couple made of
The protagonist's best friend
and the caricature of the heavy with a heart.
An ex-runner and her hirsuitor.

Wither Strength

These memory-threads, they've seen it all.

With sheer relief I watch them fall.

These tresses teased, consuming time

Created an image that was not mine.

Felt myself wither with the plait of each curl

Replaced with conservatories, patios,pearls.

Lachrymose points of fossilized light

Now passive aggressive and weak in a fight.

Almost as if my spirit was there,

Split at the ends and bleached and threadbare.

Menfolk seem saddened, “I preferred it before”

-          Historically, long and loose signified whore.

We have now the Vogue bob, the post-divorce crop

Meaning strong and professional. It’s a visual full stop.

Which brings me to Samson. I read with fresh eyes

The rewritten truth behind legendary lies.

It could never be seen that Delilah had strength

Or that it diminished as her hair grew in length.

She is painted as harlot, as betrayer, as thief

For disabling a terrorist who fought with mules teeth.

He destroyed a temple, killed thousands of men

But Delilah’s the villain? Pah! Think again.

His weakness for women she clearly exploited,

Earned his trust, passed her time and feigned her enjoyment

Over time introducing new tastes to his diet,

Soya, mint, coriander; she urged him, “Just try it.”

These anaphrodisiacs soon did the trick

And he gaped in dismay at his treacherous dick

As limply it hung there, refusing to play.

Delilah masked joy, knew the wrong words to say;

“What’s wrong with you Sammy? Are you not a man?

I've seen palm dates bigger. You’re reputation’s a sham”

And cruelly she laughed to drive the cut deeper

And insert in his subconscious brain a long sleeper.

Watching him crumble as once more she spoke:

“Your technique is shoddy and your cum face a joke”.

Her mission completed, her own head threads shorn,

Disguised as a man she escaped with the dawn.

To protect his secret and bury his shame

He shaved his own head and passed her the blame.

As excuses for impotence (don’t come) but go

This one is dramatic; distracting; for show.

And sad it is too, that his gore-fest career

Was ended through self-induced rumour mill fear

And not, as you thought, by his shiny bald pate.

Perhaps now a few more of you can relate

To a parable apropos basing your ego

On something as fragile as hair or libido.

And now you should know what’s important instead

Is the beauty and joy that’s found inside your head.

Robbie (a work in progress)

Memories bright as morning bells.
Sights, sensations, sounds and smells.
Midnight joy perambulations
Worlds of parallel imaginations
Bluntness and friendship of truisms sort
Escaping each from the battles we fought.
Misapprehensions, impressions first wrong
Bound by the echoes of under bridge songs.
Cherry coke and watching washed in sodium twilight's spoof.
DANC and wheely-planking, Bulgakov, Marquez and Deerhoof.

TO BE CONTINUED

Hog Blop

So, this is not a poem.

I am breaking with my usual style to take part in a Blog Hop, nominated as I was by my delightful sister. You can find her musings on all things literary, triathlon and movie based at:

http://bookwormsandcofeemonsters.wordpress.com

This hop is all about writers and specifically, female writers. That's a broad genre. Who knows what you may follow by following the threads? Certainly not I, but I urge you to do just that. You may discover a new favourite.

And so to the exposition:

What Am I Working On/Writing?

I am (now, as ever) working on about five different poems of different types, for different purposes. I am trying to assemble something for the ManxLitFest Poetry Slam. I entered last year (and won! Yay!) with my poems No Apologies and Mystery of the Moon. One is most whimsical and the other is almost conversational in tone. I need to be able to show diversity and the performance has to be polished. I should add, the competition isn't until September. I don't want to give away too much about that just yet.
I am also working on a present for someone, which is taking longer than I thought it would and frustrating me. I keep having to remind myself that I can't force the muse. If someone figures out a way to do that, though, please let me know.
I am working on a dystopian series of poems set in Itsnotareal Town. The first few of these are already up on the blog, but more are required. The characters come to me in fits and starts, though. Oftentimes they are inspired by people I meet and are the result of traits amplified or amalgamated as required.
There are always a myriad of other rhymes and patterns going on in my head at any one time. This means that I must carry a book and pen at all times. Writing for me is compulsive. If inspiration hits and I cannot find anywhere to write I tremble, stutter and flush.
Yes. I am addicted to writing poetry.

How Does My Work/Writing Differ From Others Of Its Genre?

I'm not sure what genre I actually belong to.
Poetry is such a wide field and the variations on themes are massive. I tend to write for performance, which can mean that as printed word, the rhythm or pace are lost. I like to read other poets and found the communities on Google+ were really helpful, inspiring and supportive. When I finally found the courage to perform in public, I have found the same with the Isle of Man Poetry Society. Perhaps my difference is that I am somewhat confessional, honest, sometimes brutally. It is often preferable to write about false situations, things outside our own lives. Reflective poetry can so often become indulgent. I try to allow myself these indulgences, but balance them with poems about the world.
I think good poetry is honest poetry.
It's all about the feels.

Why Do I Write What I Do?
Did I just answer this above by accident? Maybe.
I write to clear my head. When I have strong feelings about something I find it rattles about in my head until I scrawl it over the page. If this comes out as lucid thought, so much the better. If not, I'll keep hold of it and try to channel it into something later. Some of the poems I write have been inspired by couplets I wrote 10+ years ago.
I'm a mother to a five year old child as well as a full time pharmaceutical dispenser. I adore my son and thoroughly believe that he keeps me on the straight and narrow. Without him I may well have run away and joined the circus, or ended up dead in a ditch somewhere. He is a great inspiration and a hell of a drain on my available writing time. Swings and roundabouts (are also things we enjoy).
Other times I write to escape. Some of the worlds my poems are based in are mirrors of this one. Sometimes they're allegorical.
I enjoy lucid dreaming on a fairly regular basis, as well as Alice in Wonderland Syndrome which affords me certain sensations and experiences impossible on the physical plane. The challenge is to translate these into a format that other people can share.
I'm still working on that.

How Does My Writing Process Work?

The time I have for writing is, as you can imagine, minimal.
I find myself staying up until silly-o-clock to complete things. It's usually a case of gestating ideas for a long time until they burst forth, fully-formed in phrasing and meter from my subconscious. When I work on something specifically, I am rarely as happy with the result and cannot help myself but pick and poke at the final result, as if it is a wound that I won't let heal.
Maybe the chaos is as important as the inspiration. Maybe the chaos is the inspiration.

Performance, however is something I have to prepare for thoroughly. It is as important as the words written, for this is how I convey my poems. For this, I lock myself in the toilet in the garage, where there is a mirror and perform to myself. It probably looks and sounds crazy. I am judging my performance and practicing. I try alternative stresses, look myself in the eye and try to separate from the image in the mirror. I found it a very good way to overcome stage fright. (yes, I suffer with it. Badly. My legs shake and will not stop. One day they will probably give way).
I would urge anyone performing poetry to do this, rather than recording yourself and watching it back. It's not as scary or off-putting as the sound of your own recorded voice.

Who's Next?

Well, the first person in my chain is Susan. She writes and suchlike over at :
http://inthevortexofthewhirl.blogspot.com/
as well as curating the 25 Awesome Poets and Me on Google+. She's supportive, wise and a wonderful person to have in your creative life. Just knowing that she's out there in the world makes me a more creative person. I keep promising her I'll be back and creating more often soon, and I WILL.

The last person I am sending you to is Fatma. Find her at:
http://www.fatmalatif.blogspot.com/
I love that she writes what she feels, her experiences, her angers, her desires. I love that she is eloquent in a way I can never be, spinning phrases and paragraphs that sweep me into her world completely. I don't follow her as closely as I should, which means I am regularly able to binge on her writing. A treat I allow myself gleefully.

It's supposed to be three women, but I am limiting myself to my favourites (outside of my sister who directed you here, obviously). I hope you've not found my ramblings too repetitive or dull. I can't wait to see who this hops to next.
Thanks for reading. Xxxx

7 Year Bitch

When did what we were give way
to what we have become?
Which straw broke the way back?
When did we stop having fun?
When did I start expecting your lies?
When did it stop hurting?
When did we stop kissing goodbye?
That I didn't notice's the worst thing.
We stopped looking in each other's eyes
for answers, hope and mischief.
We stopped sharing all our jokes and dreams.
We bemoaned our own damn business.
The time has come to bridges build
or burn them to the ground.
Our relationship is gathering dust
in Romance's Lost and Found.

Columbina

Fizzing, I lie here.
Desirous pulses pooling.
Body stubbornly not cooling.
I turn to prevent my indiscretion.
Auto-scolding for the situation.
Dreams refuse to come.
True though, that this too shall pass.
Unfairly I speak of this.
Words take flight.
"If only, if only..."
so longs the short night.
A cage is a cage no matter its gilt
And the bars hardest to break
Are the ones that I built.

Maughold

Discoveries of coal-glowing idealists,
Humour and admirable women.
Leit- motifs, themes and long term schemes.
Music and compliments.
Co-operative, comparative,
Compassionate co-reminiscence.
Youthly revenge tales of kettle urination
And lofty architecture of social innovation.
Fiery doom salvation in the shape of an artist's foot.
Delicious savoury smells and quiche,
A stunning spotlight shot was took.
Pumpkinhood to be avoided
Caused a ghostly swift depart.
To each and everyone who stayed
I send you gladness from the heart.

In TIAs

They call it a stroke, but a stroke's a caress,
A present borne through gentleness.
T'would be better to call it a bolt from the blue,
A malfunction of synapses- give it its due.
This burgalar of words.
This remover of movements.
Imprisoning souls in disconnected flesh.
Self-enforced censorship, unable to express.
The Orwellian Nightmare of frustra-lingua.
(feelings unnamed continue to exist)
Inside this less-than-lustrous figure
The personality refuses to cease and desist.
Surreal conversations
rebuild the connections
and help to recover the words.
It emerged to me
the best neuro-surgery
is performed in the theatre of the absurd.

Bis

Our Archduke's hard to pinpoint
But in rearview will come clear.
I'm watching repeats of the 20th
And foretelling the future in fear.
With the crash and the olympics
It's pricklingly familiar.
Persecution of strangers
Genocide and paedophilia.
We're making do and mending.
We're choosing heat or food.
There's a palpable discomfort
in the national mood.
We're policed and suspicious
with polarised media input.
The labour market's vicious
And available help's getting cut.
Can we collect Pandora's strays
before they run a-mock?
Or are the raptors swooping hard
and on this path we're locked?
We've forgotton the lessons we learned
And it's going to cost us dear.
I'm watching repeats of the 20th
And foretelling the future in fear.

Accidental

Malformed.
Miscreated.
Discombobulated.
Disconsolate.
Bereft.
Endeavours.
Enburdened.
Encapsulated.
Entropy.
Desolate.
Disinterested.
Dance.
Discovery.
Discography.
Divine.

The Dinner Ladies in the Chronic Canteen

"The dinner ladies in the chronic canteen
serve up portions; big, small and green.
They dole out rations of little yellow pills
and smartie-count to pay the bills"

Privy to knowledge that would make others squirm
We know how to be patient and when to be firm.
We sweat in the Summer and freeze in the Winter
but here is darkly comic. It's Irvine Welsh, not Pinter.
Our own peculiarities seem normal by comparison
to our regulars who haunt the place with dead eyes and abandonment.
Our unbecoming uniforms are shabby at their best
(and as there's nothing nice to say, I won't describe the rest).

"The dinner ladies in the chronic canteen
serve up portions; big, small and green.
They dole out rations of little yellow pills
and smartie-count to pay the bills".

For each and every script we cross, the most we can is done.
And amidst abuse, disease and death, that "thank you" is hard won.
We work to bones day in, day out and wake at four in the morning
from drug addled dreams from incidental exposure and professional doubts a-gnawing.
We face each day with optimism and a damn-strong caffiene crutch
to kick those clouding dreams away and whimsy into touch.
When an error costs a life we can't afford to drift along.
This is an "elementary service job"?
You couldn't be more wrong.

"The dinner ladies in the chronic canteen
serve up portions; big, small and green.
They dole out rations of little yellow pills
and smartie-count to pay the bills".

Eviscerator of Lions

Forever fancy-dressed
In costumes that hide in plain view.
Self-betraying underachiever
Charges forward with a smile on her face.
Sleeps a little. Dreams a lot.
Gazing from above without looking down.
Magnificent manipulative marbles.
A swift kick ensures compliance.
From afar she is elegant, alien, inscrutable.
From aside she is patchworked oversized body parts.
Allow her to run and she thrives.
In a limited pool she is surplus.
And culled.

A Beautiful Mind

As older I grow, the more that I know
and learnings I should share.
A pretty young face and adventurous tastes
can lead you anywhere.
But you must learn to say no. You reap what you sow
and the world is full of sharks.
When your looks start to fade and you can't on them trade
and you know you know nothing of quarks.
By all means enjoy the power of coy-
exploitation cuts both ways-
but use your brain more, it's your future for sure
and beauty is often a phase.
Learn a language, a trade, your brain marinade
in knowledge occid- and oriental,
so when you're short on coffers you've plenty of offers.
You'll be useful, not just ornamental.

Textured Echoes

I whisper words of long lost loves
and could-have-beens and never-was
and remind myself of times there were
when She was alive and I was her.

"Oh woe is me, stuck in a tree, away from thee, my tripadee"

When I received messages, letters and texts
and my wandering loins could assent or object.
When make up would sweat-run and clothing I'd doff.
Dancing and dancing in basements and lofts.

"I'm very, very, very, very close to loving you. All I need is your permission."

Wandering willful unburdened and faithless.
Thinner and fitter and sharper and shameless.
Giving false names and numbers to all the unchosen
and hickies and mono to the favoured unspoken.

"You could  never be a dog to me. Not something to be possessed but something wild that makes you grateful for the time you give me."

And though old echoes lift the curve when recalled to banish glum me,
None resonate with half the verve of
"I love you so much, Mummy".

Itsnotareal Town

Itsnotareal Town
was once a thriving centre
with market-bustle busy-ness
and off-season in the Winter.
A quaint and happy tourist trap.
A pleasant place to live.
But the puppet masters scrapped all that
and another role did give.
Through cuts and trims to grants and funds
and the odd outright veto.
Less transport links and fewer jobs-
it's not a place to go.
The residents all grind along
but no one seems to leave.
This is because it's an experiment
from which there's no reprieve.
The shop staff, cleaners, business suits,
The dossers on the street,
they're to-a-man nuts, they're fruity loops,
they march to a different beat.
Each living their own delusion,
some reprogrammed to believe
that where they are isn't prison,
that they're free to up and leave.
Oblivious that each drama
is an engineered attack,
so They can adjust the drugs in the water
until they no longer fight back.
And scattered among are the "care staff"
to keep a gazeful watch
and make sure that they stay on Their path
and don't just wander off.
Suspecting the truth is still better for Them;
justifying its purpose-
to round up the crazies, the para and then
to quell their rebellious murmurs.

Mango Kisses

Four words to describe what you are to me
Are: butterflies; sufficient; strong and synchronicity.
Knowing and accepting. As solid as the sea.
Scary-scared as much as I am. Ultimately free.
Knowing me and finding you makes sense in all the right ways.
But this much darkness multiplied may only leave us both crazed.
It's risky to adore you, does this way lie more pain?
but just being in your presence throws my caution to the rain.
Calming and unnerving, your subdermal inhalations
see more than I would ever show in normal situations.
I know this dreary outlook is not born but miscreated.
How did you end up like me? What miseries were fated?
I want to be myself with you, the one I always was.
You give be back my dignity, you give me back my buzz.
Knowing it's requited is a new challenge to face.
It's usually a mystery. It's usually a race.
Am I prepared for this connection?
This can't be yet more misdirection
But is madness apace?
Apace? Afoot! I've lost my words!
No more emanuensis,
but me again. I've found myself,
a clumsy, care-full priestess.
I love the smell of morning-you,
of you in cogitation.
I love the way you hold your face, your love of information.
I want to know your everything,
I want to let you know me.
But will this knowledge burn us both?
Or will it set us both free?

Diary Entry - 25th November 2007

Found a flower 29th October. A red carnation, on Claudio's way back from a baptism in Milan. Today, the 25th of November- it is still as fresh as the day we found it. At first we thought it was quite sinister. But, then Claudio realised it was so well preaerved for the simple and totally logical reason that it was frozen.
That kitchen is so cold it is a joke.
Domestic economy through the very nature of poverty- the very opposite of tragedy!

Paris 2

I relearned what it is like to be thirteen years old
And carefully ignored my heart-shaped gaping bleeding hole.
I'm free to roam the world, I'm free to up and run away.
But now there is no "to" and so I go wheree're I may.
A drifting soul, a poltergeist, a harpy, a banshee.
All terminal romantics. All terminally me.
My time of self-exile has passed
I came to mend my fractured heart.
Above its shards I stand aghast.
Detached, dejectedly.

Reformed Character

I think on lessons from regrets,
But pride and anger interject.
It's still too soon to take it back.
Despite maturity's honesty and hindsight's facts.
Knowledge is different from acceptance
and I'm blinded by my past intentions.
Malicious memories burst unbidden
To mind's forefront in crystal vision.
I squirm and squawk to off-key song
And guiltily know it. I was wrong.
How to put these things to bed,
Without time machine and kind things said.
And to seek those out to fix myself
Through closure is ego without stealth.
Moreover, they've all far moved on.
The hurt I caused is long, long gone.
Instead I carry their wounds within
And now seek virtue in place of sin.
I've imposed laws on supporating sores
From wallowing in filth with no just cause.
I've fenced my mind and gated my heart
And principled actions were a good place to start.
But self repair is reverse engineering
And I've left-handed hammers to fix the whole thing.
And I left the instrutions on a bus somewhere.
And I'm starting from a state of piss poor repair.
Challenge I like and challenged I am.
That's the best I can say.
But there's no deadlines or measures.
I just give a damn.
And I'm taking it day by day.

Lena; Jezebel; Amanda; Mail

The mass debates that circulate
On beauty, form and fuzz
Revolve, it seems, on lost esteem
And a bitchy, mean-girl buzz.
Too thin, too fat, too white, too black,
Too natural, too damn plastic.
Comments typed by trolls and beasts
Are cutting and sarcastic.
Don't know 'bout you, but I'm all appalled out.
The drama's made me weary.
There are too many things to scream about
And too few that make me cheery.
A body's a body's a body's a body.
Don't dictate forms and means.
A choice is a choice is a choice is a choice.
Mind your own behind the scenes.
Each of us have our own tastes.
It makes the world amazing.
And beauty is subjective
So stop the rants. Go raving.
Open your eyes, your mind and your heart
Let some fresh delight in.
You'll never know what you could be
Without the shameful spiting.
You get back what you give times three.
That much I know is true.
So give out love. It multiplies
And comes right on back to you.

Dreamtime

I dreamed I swam down Tynwald Street
Upon a cloud of milk.
I smiled and waved to passers-by,
to mongers of all ilk.
I front-crawled over tiny men
who ran away in fear
and rained liquorice blackcurrants
on the Pearl Girl by Vermeer.
Tethered dogs all tipped their hats
and offered me their pipes.
I laughed to see the bird ballet
in Nora Batty tights.
I stopped outside the milliner
to joke with a singing saw
but treading milk makes butter
and I fell onto the floor.
My greasy coating sparked a thought,
I jumped into the sea
and butterflew myself away
to Elysium's blossomed lea.

Three Times A Lady

Here she comes, ringing the constants.
Holding the world in her manically proprietous glare,
anticipating offence,
with perpetually raised eyebrows.
She purses her lips.
Once. Twice. Thrice.
Her world view skewed by rules and numbers.
Attempt to alter a single thing
and she will slay you.
Her disappointment is her most powerful weapon.
"Who are you?"
"Who are you?"
"Who are you?"
Treat her with deference
"Thank you, Miss"
Fulfill your obligations. Timely. Polite.
She rewards you by relaxing
and connecting as much as she can.
"Are they all here?"
Count them 3 times.
"Are they all here?"
Count them 3 times.
"Are they all here?"
Count them 3 times.

Watch her shuffle away,
into the chaotic and treacherous world.
"Thank you, goodbye."
"Thank you, goodbye."
"Thank you, goodbye."

Lamb Appassionata

I had another of those conversations.
The ones that start with,
"Can I just have a word?"
and end with both parties disconsolate,
discombobulated,
sad and suspicious.
To have grown in such a way;
My gnarled roots, buds snipped before blooming;
have left me with bonsai faith.
A scale model of expectations.
1: disapppointment.
I am advised to choose the path of self respect.
To embrace short term discomfort,
to drink from the goblet of a life regained.
And to do all of this before my sweetness fades.
"It's not a question of can't or won't,
but of who is willing to makes the necessary sacrifices to achieve"
Sacrifices?
My body is long gone.
I am reclaiming my mind.
Dignity and joy are not far behind.
My advisor, martyred on the road of good intentions.
Now tells me it was all long suffering mistakes.
A warning, with urgency imparted.
I will not be your lamb.

"It is better to die standing than live forever on your knees"

The Poison Toad

The poison toad squats
as a mucilaginous spite-pat
over his ever-diminishing domain.
Occasionally he lumbers in
oozing bullious wheedles
claiming favours he is not owed.
Then releases false missives
to damage the truthful.

The drought is coming, toad-man.

The drought is coming.

The Great Flood

This place is awash
and for once it's not metaphorical.
Unsympathetic observers  remark that
it's hardly a world class disaster
whilst panicked mongers barricade doors
and recreate Cnut.
It is most certainly not safe to go into the water.
The spectacle draws folk from afar,
more so than official events.
Is this just street drama
in the theatre of the absurd?

Rum Goings On

Once upon a rum soaked night
The boy with scars external
Met the girl with scars internal.
Her asbestos heart was set alight.
The scars began to fade.

They shared a quiet privacy
Public personas shed like skins
Intimate darkness lets light begin
A moment stolen in the dawn
Her tarnished soul was saved.

The first in years to know her past.
Midnight black and blue regrets
With all the memories he forgets
The die of loss is long since cast.
With sorrow this road's paved.

Once upon some rum soaked laughter
The girl with scars internal
loved the boy with scars external.
They shared a happy ever after
Brief but pure and sweetly grave.