Showing posts with label negative. Show all posts
Showing posts with label negative. Show all posts

Clown.

Just one more clown in his circus you are.
Such a public mockery.
You are a tool in his all-consuming self-love.
Unwilling to face the one way, blackhole nature of it all.
You stand in painted smile.
The audience watch clutching breath
for him to pull out the chair.
The ringmaster owns your eyes and time.
Are you so blinded by footlights
that you can truly call this
astounding self-degradation
love?

Just one more clown in his circus you are.
Watch the pretty girls lead the horses away.
The spectacle is leaving town.

Lazy Dreveries

I blow chains of momentary beauty
But they cannot capture the moments with you.
Watching the world hurry past
I saunter through thoughts idle and unworried.
I know that you will still be as imperfect
as the day you lent me your coat in the rain.
The old dog smell of wet leather
still warm from your body.
In death our flaws are in perfect perspective.
Who cares that you were always late?
now that you are.
 

Dispensary Blues

I am sick of helping the sick
And getting nothing in return.
No sick pay, no thanks.
Just above minimum wage I earn.
I am sick of hearing how things will improve
As another friend's hours get cut or removed.
I am sick of the blame and the lawsuits I risk
Because of mis-prescribed medicines that do not exist.
The lack of support and unbearable pressure
When every day things just get worse and not better.
Vocations unvalued and talents deterred
instead of encouraged. Profits preferred.
Insomnia's nightmares curse all those that care.
Long term dispensers in this firm are rare.

Affirmation

Even in the midst of night
the distant wail of T-Rex's cousins
reach me.
And even when I am not right
and fall and fail I let the lessons
teach me.
And in the hours I feel alone
I remind myself of the myriad network
around me.
And all the things as yet unknown;
Concerns of health and joy that lurk
astound me.                            [impound me]                           (glass is half...)

I refuse to forget who I am.
I refuse to forget who I am.
I refuse to forget.

Mindless Burblings

It's too late to leave
We're all here now
Why don't we make the best of it?
We could stay and chill, maybe take some pills.
Mutilation? I don't like the scent of it.
You saw me fall, you aren't so tall
and now we've facts to face again.
"Crush your head 'til you feel dead"
That's the motto of this nation.
Love of hate, let's make a date
for the ultimate destruction
It's over now,
well anyhow,
it's not gonna go much further
There is a word for what we sell,
I think you say it "murder"
Why do we live when we should die?
It's not the natural order
You say you hate us all - You lie!
Remember Eve? You adored her!
You laugh and smile and paint and tile,
It's an expected rejected cover
I know you've been betrayed before,
The wounds must still be bleeding
Your body's cold,
it's much too old
to deal with this feeling
Flowers and hearts and poison darts
aren't enough for space exploration
Churches and pubs and new born bubs
will be the downfall of civilisation
Italics and sporadic reasoning skills
are pointless until resurrection
Bimbos and life skills and alcohol and many pills
will be the cure for this temptation
Theology and belief are no relief for this terrible
self-deprecation

Love: All

To err is human, to forgive divine
What course of action will be thine?
Heroic vengeance, stoic acceptance.
How sincere if any repentance?
A tree does not know it is wretched
But wretched is all that I am.
For I know I know nothing and inside that nothing
is the knowledge that all that he was was a sham.
And the fear of losing my unknowing had
Who was there when I called on my way to being mad.
The only one I called when it all went to shit
Who knew of my tears and my chemical habit.
The others passed 7 long years in the dark
As I wandered wasted our common-themed park.
Now this new attraction, so shiny and slick!
But is it honey or venom that drips from each click?
"I've seen love from both sides now" and other songs like such
And honestly for me the emotion gets too much.
I always retreat to the space in my head which opens to stardust and perceptional shift.
Not induced by drugs or anything more than a headache as felt by young Alice.
but I'm losing the point now; my reason is this:
I'm teetering on a lfe precipice
And it's not up to me on which way I will slide.
All engines are dead now, I nothing but glide.
How heady this high blood pressure!
How heavy the weight of the world!
In this humidity, no wonder my hair is starting to curl.
And I can do nothing but pass back and forth
Like a tennis ball, final, Wimbeldon court
And it's Love: All

Constant Companion

Let me with thoughts just silent be
And smoke this rollie; 43.
I have no urgent place to go,
I’m not alone. I have my Woe.
She dances oh-so-prettily
With outstretched arms on bended knee
But pauses often just to sigh
And if you ask she won’t say why.
She’ll just smile enigmatically
And offer you a cup of tea
In tones so sweet. She’s never sour.
Not once has she been known to glower.
To some she seem so pure and free,
But this is bonded liberty
And you can wager futures on’t;
There is a price for freedom’s font.
In her eyes you’ll seldom see
Unadulterated glee.
There’s always partial secrets too.
They must be kept from folk like you.
For Woe and I, we are a we,
That’s she and I, not you and me
And she’s observed all that I’ve squandered,
Lives I’ve bruised and lessons pondered.
I’m accustomed to her company
And other don’t see her, just me.
With blackened, widened, blinded eyes,
They’ll never see behind the lines
So let me with thoughts silent be.
I’m not alone, for Woe’s with me.

Open Skies

I’ve tried to explain this rootless of times
but all come befuddled like passions of crimes
and all I convey seems like paranoia
when all it is really is negative joy. A
simple expression of gutfelt pure feeling
seems hollow and somehow devoid of true meaning.
You see with this gift of your love and your trust
you left my iron-clad heart out to rust.
Invincible I marauded through days
giving no thought to next week, tomorrow a haze.
Entirely reckless and feckless – just living.
What happened just happened. What didn’t, just didn’t.
I hate you for all that you force me to feel.
I have to make plans now, be cautious and deal
with mundanous housework and bills and the fear
that one day I’ll wake up and you won’t be here.
I’m so terrified of the day that will come
when the imperfect duo of us will be one
broken automaton, loverless lover,
with no one to run to, to hide and take cover.
No sanctuary, haven or reason to be
the people we both urge the other to be.
Soul-image, my animus, all I adore:
you make me feel vulnerable, need I say more?
I hate that I love you. Our crazy dynamic
leaves me open to loneliness, heartbreak and panic
and yet I can’t help it. For all of my fear
I want what scares me. Does this statement seem mere
-ly a flimsical knock-off, a gesture at most,
a wine-driven-10-to-12-red-faced-man’s boast?
It’s not, I assure you. It’s all I can give.
You are my reason to wake up. To live.
And all that I have and all that I do
it’s all just a heart-unbroke tribute to you.
Your patience, your actions, your strength and just you
make me fear for the future. Question: just who
would open themselves to a lifetime of this
uncomfortable happiness, blinkerless bliss?
The me you created with that first kiss:
This misgiving Mrs from misanthrope Miss.